Entries from May 2008 ↓

If I were picking daughters off the shelf I would pick you Ainsley.

If I were picking Mommies of the shelf I would pick you Mommy.

(Idea taken from Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter)

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Do you know what “Give us this day our daily bread” means?, Daddy asked Ainsley as they were saying night-time prayers.

That God gives us what we need, like food and stuff?

Right. What do you need Ainsley?

More attention from Mommy.

That’s what I love about kids, they will usually tell us exactly what they need.

I work from home, so my first instinct is to say, I’m here the whole flipping day! What more do you want? I admit, I often respond to my kids’ never-ending quest for more of me like this.

Of course they are talking about Mommy’s mental presence and attention with them and on them and not my physical presence.

I know this because I will sometimes say similar things to my husband when I feel neglected. I’m here every night, I never go anywhere or do anything. What do you want from me? I’m sure he thinks.

It’s the modern-day dilemma. We’re distracted by the computer and the TV and other really important things like jobs, and even though we pretend our physical presence should be enough we know that it’s not.

There are consequences to not listening when someone asks you for presence and attention. Children act out and rebel and marriages fall apart.

I’m declaring this Saturday is Mommy/Daughter Day. Ainsley says she wants to go out for Chinese, take her Taekwondo orange belt test, share ice cream at the Soda Fountain, get a manicure and go to a movie.

I don’t know about all of that (cha ching, cha ching).

What she will get though is my best effort at living in the present moment with my mind and attention on her. I know, that’s really what she’s asking for.

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Last night was the last night of the A New Earth webcast and I watched with some sadness.

I don’t want it to be over. I’ve found the experience very enlightening, opening me up to my own spiritual self and really, finally removing a veil from my own Christian religious traditions and texts. For the first time in my life I am able to read The Bible and think back on my own religious training and see light instead of darkness. Thank you Eckhart Tolle and Oprah for that.

Some last things I want to touch on from last night’s Web Cast. I really related to the woman who said she has a difficult time with what she called “global anger.” These are things and situations in the world outside of her own little world that make her angry. She was angry about polygamist cults and vicious beating of teenagers for YouTube content.

I have a similar issue with the way women and girls are perceived and treated.

Oprah said, Well you’re going to be angry for a very long time.

That’s true enough.

Then she made another spectacular point in that it’s the emotional feeling of anger that’s ineffective at fighting society’s ills.

Anger begets anger and always joins the same vibration of anger that causes murder, rape, discrimination, exploitation, etc.

The most effective thing you can do is to change your emotional vibrational energy from anger into acceptance and love.

To understand this you have to have gone through the epiphany that you can control your own emotions. It’s a hard one to get and it take a lot of practice to be able to change your own feelings. Certainly, I’m only moderately effective at this.

Acceptance is a huge key both with the above example of global anger and with controlling our own feelings.

Eckhart says we should never do anything, a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, unless we are in a state of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm about it. Any action taken in anger, frustration, annoyance or denial will have a negative effect no matter what our intent. This applies even if we feel we’re acting with our own life’s purpose in mind.

Acceptance should not be confused with condoning something. For instance, when I write about something that is obviously wrong and negative that effects girls like a shock porn video or the fact that Google equates the word girl with porn, I need to first accept what is before I try to take action about it. I should release my indignation and anger about it or else not write about it. The last thing I want to do is negatively impact the perception about girls.

I suspect perhaps that I am not accepting the current way things are because I don’t want them to be the way things are.

Our world does not respect girls.

If it did we would not have child pornography, we would not have date rape, we would not let child molesters walk around to molest more kids, we would not allow marketers to exploit girls’ sexuality, we would not allow the word “girl” to be synonymous with “porn,” we would not allow them to think they were their appearance, we would not allow them to starve themselves to be “perfect,” we wouldn’t allow 25% of kids to be infected with STDs.

I need to accept that and let go of my anger about it or my actions are fueled with negative angry energy and God can not flow through me to effect positive change.

I feel my calling, my purpose, is to allow God to flow through me to revolutionize the perception of girls. To do that I must reach a state of acceptance about where we are rather than be angry that we’re not where I want us to be.

On a lighter note: can you freaking believe that Eckhart Tolle is 60 years old? Truly the entire time I thought the guy was in his 40s. I was shocked! Oprah asked him for his skin secret. Can you guess the secret to ageless beauty?

People who don’t carry around a lot of past age very well, he said.
Want to look 20 years younger? Let go of the past 20 years.

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I’m very proud to tell you that an essay I wrote about motherhood is being featured on Mothering Heights in Christine Fugate’s 2nd Annual Mothering Heights Mother’s Day Anthology.

I wrote an essay titled It’s Just Not About Them about the place of men in my life pre- and post-children. There are many other fantastic entries about the journey of motherhood and the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

I hope you’ll stop over and read a few.

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Here’s the thing about daughters. They grow up.

Since 72% of women work now it seems reasonable to assume that one of the things we should be doing as parents is to improve the work environment for women so that it’s an equitable and empowering environment for our daughters when they get there.

Mothers, you KNOW how it feels to choose to go back to your career or stay home with your baby during a woefully short sleep-deprived 6-12 weeks. That 12 weeks was one of the most anxiety-ridden of my life.

Why? I was torn between two unacceptable choices. Quit my dream and nosedive into poverty or Abandon Baby 50-60 hours a week. Some “choice!” Ha!

I don’t want my daughter to face that devastating decision. I want America to choose to respect motherhood, by joining the rest of civilization in blessing them with maternity leave instead of blowing a bunch of hot air about “family values.”

I’m done having babies. But, my daughter has yet to begin. One of the biggest changes I want to see happen is for her to have a reasonably long maternity leave that respects both her role in motherhood and her role in the workplace.

Fighting for longer paid maternity leave is one of the gifts I aim to give her future self.

Momsrising.org is a bipartisan action group made up of mothers fighting for women’s rights. Mothers rights are women’s rights. Women’s rights are human rights.

Other issues Momsrising takes on include: fair pay, breastfeeding rights, maternity and paternity leave, after-school programs, education, healthcare, sick leave, pollutants in bottles and toys, television and advertising, and flexible work hours, everything that concerns families.

They lead the way for women, housewives and career women equally, to cast aside apathy and become active participants in the making of policy.

Becoming “politically active” with Momsrising is usually as simple as shooting a pre-prepared letter to your representative letting them know how you want them to vote on a particular bill. I do not exaggerate when I tell you this takes about 2 minutes of your time.

I often hear people discount the value of a letter. Don’t – that’s a mistake. If Momsrising takes on an issue then know that you will be joining thousands of other women, other moms, in writing that letter. One letter probably goes unnoticed. But 60,000 letters causes our representatives to create examination committees, write bills, and change laws.

Another way to advocate for your daughters’ future is to buy one of their totally hip t-shirts that say clever things like, Changing More Than Diapers, Raising Children, Raising Consciousness, All Moms Are Working Moms, and adorable little onseys declaring, I need a Change, How Bout You?

Here’s what I want for Mother’s Day - Political Change. I’m going to declare my intention to seek change by wearing one of these shirts to my mommy group so the other moms, facing the same mothering issues I am, ask me “Hey, what’s Momsrising?” Then I’m going to do everything in my power to politicize some Mommies.

Won’t you join me in changing more than diapers?

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