Entries from July 2008 ↓

By Tracee Sioux

Our daughters are inundated with Cinderella and her friends. Young girls love Cinderella and want to be her.

For several years I allowed the Cinderella obsession to run rampant. I allowed the dress up clothes, books, movies, birthday party themes, posters, sticker and coloring books, flash cards, and on and on. There seemed to be no end in sight. It was completely against my gut instinct. When I read Ainsley the books or watched the movies I would cringe inside, my gut kept telling me – this is so unempowering.

When she was four I realized these things do not resolve themselves and the message that she needs “saving” is going to have negative consequences for her life. It will especially effect her love life and her ability to be happily alone or independent.

I told her the truth about Cinderella and banned most paraphernelia. If you critically deconstruct this fairytale there is nothing harmless about it. It is probably harmless as a simple story, but the degree to which it is marketed to young girls makes it a huge influence in their lives.

Have you ever talked to a young woman, newly engaged and planning her storybook wedding? You realize she’s living her Cinderella fantasy and she truly believes something magical is happening and expects to live happily ever after? When I meet these girls I always feel terribly sympathetic for the truths she will discover in about a year. Wouldn’t it be kinder to our daughters if we told them the truth about love and marriage and “the prince.” Wouldn’t it be more empowering if their expectations were in line with reality?

So, I told my daughter first that Cinderella didn’t need saving. She could have saved herself. At least in today’s practical world, the one my daughter relates to, Cinderella had options. She could have graduated from high school and gone off to college. She could have gotten a medical or law degree. She could have left her stepmother’s home, achieved an education, then a job. Had she done that she would would have no need for her stepmother’s money.

Cinderella also made a giant mistake by attempting to find happily ever after in another person. What she could have done is learned how to make herself happy first. She could have found hobbies and had friends and pursued something.She shouldn’t have wasted her life waiting.

On a practical note, Cinderella hated her life because she had to do all the housework. So she became a wife!

Stupid, stupid, stupid. How many women out there got married and then realized how much housework is involved in raising a family? I certainly do a lot of housework as a wife. Most wives I know do most of the housework. If my daughter gets married and expecting to do no housework she’ll be severely disappointed.

I’m married. Every married woman knows one basic truth – it’s a lot more work than we were told. I think it’s a valid and wonderful institution, but it’s no quick easy way to happily ever after. My daughter deserves to know that. It’s also not the only way for women to find happiness.

I’m no lawyer, but depending on the state she lived in she could have just sued her stepmother for her inheritance. I know in Texas the estate is split between the children and the wife if there is no will.

Cinderella is a terrible example of an empowered girl. But, she can be used as a good teaching tool. We can point out what she did wrong. We can also offer great alternatives like college and careers and encourage girls to find their own true selves. I think we owe them that.

For better ideas about love and self to give our daughters try these two books, Princess Bubble where she’ll learn she can save herself and missing piece meets big o where she’ll learn she is whole and complete already.

Share and Enjoy

Thanks to Kelly Saunders for guest blogging today. Kelly Saunders has been blogging forThrifty Mommy for over 2 years and has a 3.5 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. Her goal is to save time and money any way she can in order to stay home with her kids. She loves to challenge herself to a price limit of $3-$3.50 for summer outfits and $4-$4.50 for winter outfits for her kids. She says that hand-me-downs are her favorite thing to give and get.

She’s also just as icked out about stilettos for infants as I was, Sexualization of Infants.

Hi, so glad you stopped by The Girl Revolution today. I ran across this website from a story ABC News did last month and thought it was very interesting. Turns out, a couple of mothers from Seattle thought it would be cute to make high heels for their infant daughters. They run about $35 and are adorable at face value.

But we don’t live in a face value world any more. How many of you see high heels and don’t think “sensuality”? Most of us think of a pair of high heels attached to long, tan, skinny legs. Who can picture Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman in the picturesque dress at the horse race and visualize her in a pair of flats? Most of us see her in high heels.

Or, if you will admit it men, you see in your male mind a sexy bikini clad woman leaning over a race car with a bucket of soapy water next to her washing the car in high heels.

See what I mean? Why do we want to sexualize our daughters so early in life? Doesn’t the world do that for us? Look at even Wal-Mart and you will see little girl clothes hanging off the shoulder or not going to the waist. I just want my little girl to be an innocent little girl for as long as I can keep her that way.

So why would you, even for a laugh, put your infant daughter in such a sexual piece of clothing? I will give it to you. There should be nothing sexual about an infant in high heels. But the whole idea of high heels is sexual and I just don’t think we should be putting our little girls in such a predicament to have pedophiles drooling over them.

Now, before you think I am some prude, my 3 year old daughter loves to walk around in high heels and play dress up. But they are princess high heels from the dollar store or an old pair of high heels from my closet and she only does it around the house for dress up. She usually has a tutu around her waist at the same time and is dancing around to Disney Channel. That is totally a play, make believe thing. There is nothing sexy about shoes that are 20 X too big for her.

But the interview I heard had one of the mothers saying that she didn’t see any relation between high heels and sex. She said that she didn’t see a correlation to it at all. I guess she never put on high heels when she went out to a party before.

Not to mention … they are $35! My limit is $3 for any pair of shoes for my kids. And yes, they have great shoes from Stride Rite and Dora so I do keep them in style.

Share and Enjoy

Lucy, today’s guest blogger, is a mother of three who lives in the UK. Lucy blogs at Free From , about gluten free food because her oldest child is a ceoliac.She observes the behaviour of the tribes of youth in her free time. But what was she doing at McD’s? That’s not very gluten free.

He Loves Me . . . He Loves Me Not .. .

I skirted around the group of young people sitting outside, and went in to order. We sat and while he munched chicken nuggets and played with the free toy I watched the gang.

The group had a core group of five males, who sat together at a bench table, being loud. There were some stragglers, all female, who perched on the surrounding tables, occasionally talking to each other, but mostly silent, inspecting their nails. The boys were scruffy and unkempt; the girls were made up and dressed up. They can only have been about 15.

Periodically, the girls tried to join in the core group conversation, tried to attract attention from the table of boys, but were met with abuse. Mostly along the lines of ‘shut up, you fat slag’.

The girls were beautiful, in that heartbreaking, young, ‘tried-a-bit-hard’ fashion. No way did any of those unpleasant boys deserve their attention. These girls should have walked away, done something more interesting, generated their own fun together … but of course they didn’t. Eventually the group got up and wandered off, most of the boys collecting a girl each as they passed.

This sad little scenario is played out night after night in small towns (and larger ones) across the country, and it bothers me. The girls have little or no self-esteem beyond their hair and nails; the boys treat them as worthless, except as a trophy.

It more than bothers me. How many years have women – yes, generations of young women – been struggling to gain equality?

How can I show my young daughters as they grow up that they deserve better than this? How to explain that they do not have to be defined as somebody’s girl, but can be strong individuals who know their own intrinsic worth?

How can I show my young son as he grows up that he, too, is worth, and can be, more than this?

I wanted to say to those girls “you’re worth more than this” – but I couldn’t. How could I, some random interfering stranger? But someone at home should have told them how valuable they are. Daily. And not just for their hair and nails …

Share and Enjoy

I wantto thank Candeelady from GoGo Glue Gun Fun for guest posting on The Girl Revolution today. Terry Candee R.N. graduated from the University of South Florida with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She has practiced Pediatric Nursing for more than thirty years. Her resume includes Clinical, Educational and Counseling R.N. positions. She was a troop leader with the Girl Scouts of America for six years and currently teaches girl scout programs and manages a blog , GoGo Glue Gun Fun, which includes humor, craft activities and advice for Moms to build healthy relationships with their tween daughters in our crazy “pop” culture world.

I want to tell you about a really interesting young girl I had at one of my doll craft parties recently. The craft parties I teach allow the girls a wide range of design choices and I really like observing some of the crazy things they make. I get ideas from the very imaginative girls and I enjoy encouraging some of the timid creators. I’ve seen fake fur made into earrings, 14 sequins adorning a 2″ by 2″ skirt and pom poms pushed down a blouse to make boobs on an innocent sweet little rag doll.

In addition to the colorful fabrics and fanciful trims, I bring the usual tools, scissors, glue, markers…………… and some toothpicks to unplug the glue bottles when needed. This one adorable tween, after observing me using a toothpick to clear a clogged glue tip, was inspired by the little pointed stick to make devil horns on her doll. She broke a toothpick into two precise equal pieces and glued and positioned them protruding from dolls forehead. She chose a full length solid red sparkly dress and left it completely void of any trim. The hair was teased fuzzed out red yarn and she drew fangs for the teeth, and added yellow eyes. Meanwhile her peers are all making fashionable”barbie look a like”dolls !

The other mothers and myself chuckled at first but as her work became more intense and her project more demonic, we began glancing at each other, grimacing and wondering if we should intervene and try to guide her away from her Gothic style. I joked with her a bit to try and redirect her but she was determined to make a “devil doll”. The final touch was a red chenille stem fashioned into a pitchforked weapon for the little creature.

When her mother came to pick her up she greeted her tween with enthusiasm and when she bent down to give her child a hug, everything suddenly began to make sense,…………………………. as I noticed two pointy spikes peeking out from her overly teased up hairdo…………………….Just Kidding ……………………………..

There never was an explanation for the devil doll. The girls mother looked a bit puzzled, told her daughter she did a “fantastic job”, glanced at all the staring Moms and just shrugged as they left the party together arm in arm. The remaining nervous Moms all concurred with furrowed brows that it was a very “weird doll” and had it been their daughter they would have directed her to design something “pretty” and NORMAL.

At first I thought well………………….maybe she watched horror movies …….maybe a counselor could be in the near future ………….or a priest………………………but then the artistic part of me decided this could actually be something wonderful ,…………………………….maybe this kids imagination is amazing and beyond what the average child is given. Maybe her mother is supportive and non-judgemental about her kids artistic expression, allowing the daughter to be herself!

This imaginative tween could be the next Julie Taymor or Edith Head and she’ll be working with Stephen Spielberg when he directs “Star Wars Episode XL—The Nanoscience Behind Luke Skywalkers Invisible Walker” ! She will receive an Oscar for “Best Costume Design” and we will all think what an amazing creative mind that woman has!
Check out Candeelady’s latest post, Non-Conforming Tweens are NORMAL.

Shop Candeelady’s Etsy Store and buy your daughter a Quirky Doll Kit (make your own doll kit).

Share and Enjoy

Please welcome Jeanne from Jeanne’s Endo Blog as today’s guest blogger. Jeanne is the mother of one daughter and lives on the East Coast. She is also a women’s health advocate, running a support group and a blog about endometriosis. Visit Blog Fabulous today to find out how endometriosis has affected Jeanne’s own body image.

Body image is affected by so many outside forces.

The magazines, TV shows (and other forms of media our children are exposed to nowadays) truly affect their own perceived self-worth, body image, and overall self-image.

As a society we need to help our daughters (and sons) by protecting them from damaging media influences whenever we possibly can. I’m not talking about censorship here. I’m talking about PARENTING! In my mind, parenting includes subcategory job titles like, “a strong force that reckons with ‘bad media’ and keeps my child from being exposed to it”. That’s just one of my philosophies on childrearing. It is crucial that our young girls are not exposed to sexualized images like the ones Tracee has written about so often on her blog.

I do not allow Bratz dolls in my house. Like Tracee, I don’t care for these dolls on so many levels. To me, merchandise like this is harmful to children. Like Tracee, I do not agree with the Abercrombie & Fitch ads showing semi-nude models posed in provocative positions to sell A&F clothing.

Ironically, their models wear very little clothing while trying to sell clothing! In my mind, they are simply selling sex. Some of their provocative T-shirts are offensive to me and reinforce negative body image ideas in those viewing the ads. I think they actually encourage self image concerns with their airbrushed ads of ‘too-skinny girls’ and ‘6-pack ab young guys’.

I believe parents have the “power of the pocketbook”… the power to say NO to what they perceive as inappropriate merchandise marketed towards impressionable young children.

Girls are bombarded with these images and so are the young boys who they may someday date or even marry. These media images (think of the controversial Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana shots for Vanity Fair) are not healthy for our children, in my humble opinion.

No one wants their young daughter to wind up like the Hollywood starlets and singers who are in and out of rehab — when such suffering can be prevented by building GOOD SELF ESTEEM in our children/loved ones now!!

We who are parents, aunts, uncles, neighbors… WE have an obligation to be good role models for the children around us! Children are little sponges and just about EVERYTHING registers in their uncluttered brains, whether they voice it or not. They pick up on so much more than many people realize. Honestly, children are generally far smarter than many adults give them credit for!

Let’s build our girls (and boys) up and increase their self esteem while they are still very young! In this way we will be vaccinating them against certain dangers, self-destructive behaviors, and emotional pain… as the Naomi Wolf quote on Tracee’s homepage suggests we should.

We CAN empower girls and women if we simply take a step back and analyze what media we expose our children (and ourselves) to. It matters!

Share and Enjoy