Entries from November 2009 ↓

In The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World, Anthony Rao, Ph.D. cautions parents and educators to stop treating young boyhood as an illness.

Dr. Rao has spent 20 years working with young boys. Most boys he words works with are  in need of intervention in some way. Some of his clients are getting in trouble for emotional outbursts, others are being recommended for medication because they can’t stand sitting still for eight hours a day, others are in trouble for bullying or throwing  tantrums, some are too bright and have conflicts with teachers.

Dr. Rao, in nearly every case in the book, recommends social conditioning over medication.

Rao is obviously deeply concerned that boys are being labeled and medicated at alarming rates for what he believes is normal boyish behavior. ADD, ADHD, Manic-Depression, Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorders like Aspergers are often misdiagnosed and quickly medicated for normal boy development.

• Can’t sit still
• No eye contact
• Fidgeting
• Lack of Empathy
• Slow Language Development
• Doesn’t Want to Talk
• Aggression
• Lack of Focus
• Emotional Meltdowns

These are all symptoms of normal development in boys, rather than symptoms of some diagnosable condition in need of medication.

He strongly cautions against going along with one professional or quasi-professional’s opinion after seeing a child once or twice or basing a diagnosis on school records. He calls a doctor or therapist writing a prescription for medication right away, without attempting a course of behavior modification therapy first, a Red Flag.

In most instances, Dr. Rao cautions against authority-defeating and child-defeating punishment like withholding recess and physical activity because a child won’t sit still and can’t seem to focus.

Of course, boys can’t focus, he tells readers. They have to run their energy off, boys are naturally and inherently physically active and boys focus and learn better if they are given ample opportunity to run wild and explore.

News Flash: No normal person – boy or girl, male or female – wants to sit still eight hours a day. There is something wrong with the person who does want that for themselves, their students or their children.

Rao even walks parents through dealing with a school system bent on disciplining or medicating their sons, explaining carefully how to deal with school officials, counselors and teachers. He carefully points out what parents should say, how they should behave and what rights they have to protect their children.

Rao convinces parents to view their boys as a work in progress and insists that whatever behavior your child is exhibiting right now, they will be very different in six months. He strongly urges a “wait and see” approach to most problems. Early testing for Autism seems to be the singular instance in which Rao recommends early testing, because early intervention has proven so effective.

Rao convincingly shows parents that while a teacher might point to a tendency to line up and sort objects as “Asbergery,” its more likely a sign that your son will grow up to be an engineer. While a teacher might find your child disruptive and fidgety, it is more likely a sign that your child might be a fabulous athlete than that he has ADHD. An early developmental lag might point to a strength that will truly shine in higher grade levels when the focus shifts.

Sometimes medication is useful for older boys, Rao says, but only if the following conditions are present: the problem persists over time, in every situation or condition, and if it is greatly interfering with your child’s life and development.

I found this book to be an interesting examination of the male psyche.

“I don’t wanna talk,” my three-year-old son, Zack tells me when I ask him how his day was at school. Just like your dad, I think.

As frustrating as hearing “I don’t wanna talk” has been for females, evidently, that’s completely normal for the males of our species.

New Moon is one of the very few magazines 8- to 12-year-old girls can read without advertising. It’s a bi-monthy magazine and it also has a safe online component. Girls can chat with each other, build thier own virtual rooms, create their own avatar and upload a photo of their pet, and discuss hot topics like going green and favorite charities and play games.

This is create-your-own-media media. The content is submitted by girls for girls. Girls can send in and upload their own art, video, writing and photography. This is wonderful because it helps girls realize they don’t have to be passive consumers of media, but can be active participants in creating media for themselves and an audience of like-minded people.

The price is do-able at only $29.99 for an annual subscription to both the magazine and the website.

Here’s the thing: if New Moon doesn’t get some more subscribers ASAP they are going under. They need 250 more subscribers a month by the end of the year to survive.

It would be an awful world to live in if Abercrombie and with the sexualized t-shirts, the trashy Kardashians made it through the recession and an honest-to-goodness positive influence like New Moon vanished.

I bought an annual subscription for an early Christmas present for Ainsley. She’s super-thrilled with the online component. It’s become her new fav. spot on the web already. Older than Webkins, but still appropriate.

The website is great because I have access as a parent, there are no inappropriate ads and its well monitored by Nancy Gruver and her staff.

Order New Moon for your daughter, order it for your niece or grand-daughter as a Christmas Gift, donate a subscription to your local library or church group, or just make a charitable donation to the company so girls will have access to positive media. Order New Moon Now.

Full Disclosure: I am an affiliate of New Moon because I really do believe healthy, positive media is a must for any Girl Revolution.

Join the Save New Moon Facebookpage and share it with all your friends.

The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) has finally agreed to research how companies market PG-13 advertising to preschoolers and elementary-aged children.

The idea being that if your movie is PG-13 then you should not be marketing in Happy Meals, because those are generally purchased by small children. Nor should commercials run during television shows mean for pre-schoolers and elementary-aged children. Nor should they hand out movie paraphernalia in schools to primary kids.

Does this mean they shouldn’t be allowed to advertise?

Does this mean they should not be allowed to make their movie?

Does this mean they shouldn’t be allowed to market products in connection to their film?

Does this infringe on their free speech?

No, idiot.

It means, they should direct advertising and marketing afforts to those people for whom the film is age-appropriate, in this case, 13-year-olds and older.

More information about what the FTC has agreed to consider and how YOU can have a real impact on the FTC’s decisions visit Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood.

Michelle M. Lelwica is associate professor of religion at Concordia College and author of “The Religion of Thinness: Satisfying the Spiritual Hungers Behind Women’s Obsession with Food and Weight

She’s written a lovely piece in The Washington Post’s On Faith section. Like Lelwica, I too believe that many, many issues and disorders women and girls face have a deep spiritual connection.

Lelwica makes a very sound argument in her piece Thin and Salvation that connects disordered eating and religion.

Oprah, who suffers from her own disordered eating always asks, What are you hungry for? a question that could also be interpreted, What are you starving for?”

This post originally appeared on PunditMom, printed with permission.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t make the cut for finalists in the Washington Post’s “Next Great Pundit” contest. I’m not quite sure why the Washington Post is doing such a thing. Last time I checked with Katie Orenstein from The Op-Ed Project, major newspapers didn’t exactly have a shortage of good opinion material to choose from — most submissions never even see the light of day because they receive so many.

But I figured that this contest was just made for me, even though the pessimist/realist in me knew it would be difficult to snag such a gig so easily. Turns out about 5,000 other people had the same idea I did, and, unfortunately, I wasn’t one of the ten finalists.

But I thought I’d share my entry with you anyway.  It seemed a shame to let a good blog post go to waste!  And who knows — maybe there’s another good punditry opportunity around the corner!

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I just bought my nine-year-old daughter a “This is what a feminist looks like” T-shirt. When I explained that being a feminist means that girls can do whatever boys can, she gave me her best pre-teen eye roll and said simply, “Duh!” I love that she believes she can do or be anything, but lately right-wing conservatives are getting in my way on that message.

Right now she feels empowered in the way only fourth-grade girls can. I don’t have the heart to tell her that if she chooses a political career, she should prepare herself for the mocking and ridicule that seems to be the status quo today.

When my daughter proudly proclaims that she’d make a good President (and I think she would!), how do I explain that some won’t want her in that position and might, as the Republicans have done with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, speak condescendingly of “putting her in her place” in an effort to take her down a peg and minimize her effectiveness as a leader?

Those who dislike powerful women have plenty of choice words. Hillary Clinton is a shrew, Madeleine Albright has a turkey neck, and Olympia Snowe is a Benedict Arnold and a Jezebel for voting her conscience on health care reform rather than blindly following the mandates of her party. Even “good” GOP women like Sarah Palin and Meghan McCain haven’t been safe from the personal attacks of those who are threatened by the possibility of women encroaching on men’s perceived political space.

Even more troubling is that this growing disrespect toward women is finding its way into policy-making.

Senator Jon Kyl is against maternity benefits in health care reform because he doesn’t need them (though I’d like to hear what his wife and daughter have to say on that). And Senator Orrin Hatch wants to limit reproductive choice even in private policies that aren’t impacted by federal dollars. Conservatives have apparently decided that the new tactic in their playbook is to advance their political agendas by engaging in conduct they would never tolerate if hurled at them. That frightens me for my daughter’s future.

The last time I checked, Republicans have daughters, too. In light of this growing path away from women, I’m not sure how they go home at night and face those girls who probably have the same dreams as mine.