There was a story on MSNBC.com Today Show, Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes, about how 20% of bikini wax customers at one Hollywood salon are tweens – pre-teen children.
“Nearly 20 percent of the clients that Nance Mitchell sees for bikini waxes in her Beverly Hills, Calif., salon are tweens, she says. . . 12 is the new normal.”
“But nothing prepared her for being asked by one client to book a bikini wax appointment for her 8-year-old daughter.”
{{{{{GASP}}}}}
Did you share my first reaction?
But, then I thought – wait, why is it the waxing that is making me gasp in shock?
Isn’t it more alarming that 8 year olds have enough pubic hair to wax?
The sub head of the story is inaccurate: Moms are bringing daughters to spas for hair removal before puberty
The fact is that 50% of girls are getting their periods by age 10 and doctors now consider it within the “range of normal” for girls to develop outward signs of puberty, including breasts and pubic hair, by age 8. It’s not that even medically alarming for 6 or 7 year olds to begin puberty, and many do begin developing breast buds or pubic hair.
Isn’t it more emotionally alarming and worthy of a {{{{gasp}}}} that we’re seeing a dramatic shift in girls’ puberty development and no public health official is coming on the nightly news declaring,
“We’re going to find an answer to this most disturbing development in girls, who hold the future reproductive burden for our entire species. In the meantime, don’t let your daughters drink the water full of pharmaceuticals. Stop injecting milk and meat cows and other animals with hormones. Be wary that extra weight causes girls to make estrogen and develop pubic hair and boobs early. Avoid plastics. We’re going to outlaw high fructose corn syrup in foods directly marketed to children. We understand the reproductive future of our entire nation depends on it!“
Instead, we hear about the early pubic hair trend in the fashion and beauty section of MSNBC’s Today Show with a sexualization of girls slant.
Shouldn’t those mothers be ashamed of themselves? the story basically asks.
Should they?
The story includes a quote by Philadelphia aesthetician Melanie Engle who says the 8 year old request for a bikini wax, “was about the mother’s obsession with her daughter being a supermodel.”
OK. I can buy that. I’ve seen mothers primp their daughters as a photographer and photographer’s assistant. There is definite maternal beauty pressure.
Yet, if there was nothing to wax, if she were hairless, then her mother wouldn’t be thinking her daughter needed to have anything removed to “look like a supermodel.” Right?
Last year I did a story about Nair directly marketing to tween and teen girls with a “new” line of hair removal cream, Nair Pretty.
“It’s profoundly disturbing,” I wrote. It’s also disturbing that Nair caught onto this early pubic hair trend and marketed to it, before I, as a parent, caught up with it.
I also went off on some radio DJ who was bashing Lordes, Madonna’s young daughter, for having a unibrow and a slight mustache. I was appalled at the DJ’s lack of class and placing all this beauty pressure on a young girl.
One brave mother, Athena of 1001 Petals, wrote in the comments section of that post, “I feel kind of bad now for telling my husband yesterday that if our daughter turned out to be as hairy as me, I’d start taking her to an esthetician for waxing as soon as it became evident — unless she said she didn’t care for it. This is because if you wax regularly at such a young age, you’re saved a lifetime of regular waxing later on down the road. I had to take myself starting at 12 yrs of age, and now at 30 it is still practically a daily maintenance routine. . .I spend hundreds a year and a lot of time bothering with it.”
Athena’s right. The more I consider this hairy subject, the more I realize that I will likely assist my daughter, in some way, with her pubic hair and if she developed a mustache or side burns, for goodness sake, I’d help her eradicate it. Like I’m going to throw her to the Mean Girls and hope she survives?
Swim suits are not designed to cover the pubic area. They haven’t been for about 40 years.
In “Clean” Bikini Line I wrote about my own struggle since my teen years with various methods of shaving, Nairing, one excruciating episode with Neet and a vicious chemical burn.
I’m amused by Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS), but I still keep my bush rather trimmed, as a courtesy to my husband. I wear swim shorts rather than show off my all my private hairs when we go swimming. The itching always gets to me mid-grow.
But, is my daughter really going to be into wearing one of these modest suits that would cover her bikini area? Am I going to make her be the only kid at the swim party or pool to do so?
I shave my pits and my legs. I pluck my eyebrows. I search for stray hairs on my chin and pluck them immediately.
It is only my budget that keeps me from getting all this hair waxed off. When I lived in NYC there was hair & waxing salon on every corner and it was a mere $30 to get my bikini and eyebrows done. I did it whenever I could afford it.
It’s the least painful than other methods, it lasts longer and it was the ONLY thing that prevented razor or chemical burn – in other words waxing was the only solution that I didn’t trade unwanted hair for an unwanted rash.
It seems to me a young daughter growing early pubic hair is an even bigger motivator for waxing.
Certainly, the minute girls develop breasts or pubic hair society treats her with less respect and she hears more negative and sexual comments about her body. The more she looks like a teenager or woman, the sooner she will be seen as an object for male entertainment, instead of the three-dimensional little girl, the young child, she really is.
What bigger incentive is there to hide pubic hair, keep it as private as possible, or have it removed?
Does the removal of hair further sexualize girls, because the latest fashion is for adult women to remove hair and get a Brazillian wax? Ironically (and a little disturbingly) making them look more like children.
Or does the removal of a symptom or sign of puberty buy a little girl some more time to be a child?
Please comment, I really am interested in exploring this issue further.
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25 comments ↓
I’m a bit conflicted over this stuff.
I’m an erratic hair remover myself, I shave my pits only in summer and my legs probably 3 or 4 times in a year and that’s the only hair removal I do (I wear board shorts for swimming). My husband doesn’t care whether I’m hairy or not, when asked (because I’m not beyond wondering if my flouting the “beauty rules” bothers him) he assures me he likes me equally well either way. Besides, if he gets to have a scratchy beard I get to ignore the razor too. Not that either of asked the other’s permission in these matters.
I don’t expect my daughter to hit puberty early, she’s a tiny skinny little thing and I wasn’t early myself. Plus she’s very fair. So I don’t anticipate much drama over hair for a while yet.
However, I have vivid memories of being 13 and not wanting to go swimming when on holiday in Greece because of my hairy arm pits and being very resistant to learning how to shave (razor blades? sharp razor blades? on my delicate skin?!!!) so I have given the matter some thought. (I did shave, and swim, in the end.)
I won’t be encouraging my daughter to shave but I won’t tell her she can’t and I will provide her with a decent razor if she wants one. No chemicals though, and no waxing unless she can pay for it herself. And I’ll be singing the praises of boyleg swim suits
I’m pretty sure I’d be planning differently if we had a genetic heritage of really noticeable hairiness though. It’s much easier to adhere to a non-conformist ideology when no-one notices you’re doing it.
I’d have to shave even if I wear the boyleg suit. They cover more hip, but not much more crotch.
I too took up the board shorts – in my 30s. Not in my single years or my teen years when fashion and social blending in was more important to me.
It’s kind of a double edged sword. If everyone starts doing it, it becomes the norm. I hate to think of young girls not liking their natural bodies. Pubic hair is natural. On the other hand, it has to suck to be the hairy one when everyone else is hair-free. No one wants to be different at that age.
I don’t shave much. My husband likes hair and thinks the full bush is sexy. I trim a bit to keep it neat. I shave my armpits. If I go swimming, I will shave my legs, but that isn’t too often. I really think it is a silly thing we all do, but that is society’s standards. Damn, I miss the 70s!
Dark or prominent hair makes it harder. I remember when I met you Trace, as a teen, you often didn’t shave your legs, but you were blonde so it really didn’t show. Maybe that’s why blondes have more fun – they aren’t shaving all the time!
I don’t care much about hair these days, but I remember caring deeply as a young woman. I started shaving my legs in junior high, bleaching in high school. I’d probably let a daughter shave, but I don’t know about bikini waxes. It just seems so grown up for an 8-year-old. What a difficult decision!
I guess there is a difference between going through puberty earlier, and thus wanting (needing?) to get a bikini wax, and just being predisposed to hairiness, as Mim says.
I was getting my eyebrows and upper lip waxed at 12, but I didn’t need a bikini wax. I was a late bloomer. In contrast, my youngest sister has never been very hairy, but went through puberty 2 yrs after I did, and she’s 7 yrs younger than me. She also LOVES meat. I hated meat growing up (and am mostly vegan now.) While the rest of us were snacking on fruit and cookies, she was chomping on a pork chop or bit of sausage
(I’m so not kidding!)
Years later, when the hype around hormones in meat came up in the news, I became convinced this is why my sister entered puberty so young. But still, she was never overly hairy — just average, like most people.
Then I think about how kids are getting cell phones and their own computers at such a young age, so maybe this waxing news is related to kids just growing up faster — physically and lifestyle-wise (I don’t know if they could be mentally and emotionally. . .)
I guess sometimes early puberty and waxing are related, and sometimes they’re not. Ultimately, I agree with you that the news should be more focused on health issues, and less on blame.
I may not have shaved my legs as a teen (though I don’t remember not doing it, I remember thinking it made me very grown up in jr. high – but maybe I got lazy)
But, I didn’t go swimming or laying out without shaving my bikini line. I had one embarrassing episode when the boy I liked was talking to me and I realized my pubic hair was on the outside of my swimsuit and I was mortified – it’s pubic hair. Not arm or pit hair. It’s connected to my private parts. Not really anything I wanted him to see yet. I’ve tried to get rid of it ever since.
Thanks, Tracee. I read about this in a blog and accepted the author’s invitation to chortle at those Hollywood moms, so concerned over appearance and spending the big money. I never stopped to think about whether these girls needed to wax and what that meant. So thanks for giving another interpretation.
I too had a pubic hair moment, but it was around my then boyfriend’s best friend and wife and while I’m sure no one noticed, I did and I was very embarrassed. It doesn’t help that she’s a former pageanteer and always looks her best while I’m more casual.
I think part of the problem is there are so many different possible reasons why early puberty is happening. And since we’re pretty complex organisms it could, and probably is, a combination of factors. And sadly, it may not be possible in today’s political climate to stand up and say, “This is horrible and we don’t know why it’s happening. We’ll keep you posted.” But somebody should be studying this, publicly studying this, if only to show it is a matter of deep concern.
Jenn
Good post. I’m not ready, I can tell you that. But my pediatrician made a correlation between tooth loss and early puberty. (Both my girls have lost 8 teeth, ahead of their peers). And that freaked me out. But she assured me no breast buds. My freaky step mom made SUCH a bid deal about shaving legs when I asked in middle school, that is my main motivation (currently) for letting my kids shave when they want to. Wax? Haven’t even thought about it. Yet.
-Vanessa
amidoingokay.blogspot.com
I haven’t come across the teeth correlation.
I know what you mean Vanessa. Waxing sounds more . . . violent?
The fast ripping off of the paper seems very unchildish. The shaving – even with a rash – seems much more humane if you’re going to assist with hair removal. But, from experience waxing has a certain logic. Certainly waxing would hide the fact of pubic hair for longer in a young girl. At 8 it definately seems like something mothers and children would be motivated to hide.
So complicated – this issue and so many conflicting emotions involved for moms.
My 10 yr old and I had a recent conversation about her shaving her legs. She is not in puberty yet. But we are hairy girls in this family. The rule in my family growing up was you could shave your legs when it was time to shave your armpits. I told my Tabby Cat that I didn’t want her to shave her legs (she’s embarrassed by hairy they are and her bff shaves already) because she would have nubbies growing in and would have to continue shaving whether she wanted to or not. Then we discussed the possibility of waxing. And that that hurts. She’s willing to try. I think I would let her but we left it with getting a second opinion from her grown sister. The subject hasn’t come up since.
I’ve always been confused about waxing legs.
Don’t you have to grow the hair all the way out to wax them? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose to have half-grown hair half the time?
By day 2 I always shave my legs because they get itchy.
Damn, this is hard. I think, as I have three daughters, that I will try to do the things that prevent ridicule across the boards. I guess I really hope we don’t get to a point where girls, little girls, want things that oughtn’t be for little girls. Talking circles. So hard.
It’s a bad start in the wrong direction. It only encourages body image issues for girls as they get older; i.e unless they do these things they will become some fat, hairy, foul-smelling beast. It also whets the appetites of a bunch of sickos who fantasize sex with teen or pre-teen girls. Real women have hair down there, and real men appreciate real women.
Real women may have hair down there but until now 8-10 year-olds did not. I fear the perverts would interpret the existence of hair as an invitation to view a child as a teenager.
It’s evident that we don’t truly feel teenagers are in need of protection in this country.
That is a non-sequitur, Tracee. There are laws against statutory rape – and they should be vigorously enforced too (as an aside I personally have no problem with making rape a capital offense in cases involving very young children). I don’t think pubic hair has anything to do with protecting teenagers.
There are ineffective laws that aren’t enforced against statutory rape.
The minute a girl shows outward signs of sexuality she is subjected to sexual comments and remarks about her body.
I think I would spare my daughter that for as long as possible – even if that meant making sure no one at the pool knows she has pubic hair.
I think that is a hella crazy leap to make. That if women don’t shave or wax their daughters they are not protecting them from predators. Please.
Again. Predators do not pick children for their clothing or their body types or their pubic hair or what kind of underwear they wear or because they have long hair instead of short or because they got breasts at 11 instead of 13.
They pick girls who are emotionally vulnerable.
Everything else are just excuses they tell themselves, and they will come up with one for every girl. If she’s not hairless, she “knows what she’s doing.” If she doesn’t have breasts, she “gave me a look.” Or she ran around in a towel after bathing. Or she sat on his lap. Or she waxes her legs – she must be old enough!
I can understand wanting to prevent other children from teasing your own, but comments like that one only give pedophiles new excuses and puts the blame on mothers and girls instead of squarely where it belongs – on the predators themselves.
You need to rethink your comment.
I’m not taking a definite position on whether mothers should or shoudn’t help their daughters with their body hair issues. I’m exploring the different issues.
Certainly, I value your perspective. Maybe you’re right.
I think it’s crazy to assume that anything I might say would give psychotic pedophiles ideas. Their heads are full of ideas and sick thoughts I have no control over whatsoever.
If I can steal a line from my mother to see if it might help you get the point – showing pubic hair in any situation would be “immodest.”
[...] The Girl Revolution often looks at controversial hairy issues: should you let your daughter color her hair at 7? When should she shave her legs? Would you take an elementary school student to wax her bikini line? [...]
I stumbled on this. sorry. I am a male and didnt get pubic hair until I was almost 17. That created a lot of problems.
Well considering that humans have free will to choose to remove hair that is only there in the first place because of the high probability that humans were genetically engineered, the conclusion is that it IS our choice.
No one thinks hair is sexy on girls, so why all the fuss about removing it early? Why not ask more appropriate questions such as why boys are circumsized. Getting your little girl’s skin waxed is no where near as tampering as cutting the skin off your little boys penis. Think about it. Don’t let traditions rule over your curiousity and analytical critical thinking.
good point realguy. You’ll be happy to know our son is fully in tact.
[...] the negative consequences resulting from apathetically allowing obesity to consume our daughters: early puberty, higher insurance premiums, preexisting conditions like diabetes, higher risks of breast cancer, [...]
[...] appear to be hitting puberty one to two years earlier than previous [...]
This is my first time here, but this section spoke to me… so I’m going to vent…
SO. I’m actually facing all of this w/my daughter now. She’s not had her period, but I was BESIDE myself when she mentioned, this evening, to me the “gross itchy hairs on her parts” She’s 8. She’ll be 9 in April, and it was just this past check up that her doctor asked if she’d shown any signs of puberty. “no, and thank goodness right? that’s not for a while now, is it?” Her doctor’s advice was not to be blindsided. We’ve had trouble with her. She’s been diagnosed on the Autism spectrum, and just as we think things are getting more under control and she’s adjusting to her program at school, we get this. I was 10, my sister was 12 (I think) so this wasn’t the time yet. It feels too early, but it is what it is. And there we were having the conversation about pubic hair, body changes and bras (I have no problem getting her a sports bra) Just last night we were in Target and she was laughing at how funny the girls’ training bras looked and mimicking what they make a body look like by creating a funny walk… She was frightened by the change. She admitted that she’dtaken it upon herself to try and cut some of the longer pubic hairs off with scissors – something I told her would not do. I had not discussed it with her much, she’d asked me about my hair before… she’s prone to ignoring common privacy standards… and I said, “it’s normal – something that happens when you start to grow up, it will happen one day for you, too” and really had not discussed the matter further. She’s a baby in so many ways still… she regresses back to a mental age of 4 when things get too horribly stressful for her. We’ve handled most of her life changes at her speed. She was 4 1/2 before she finally was fully potty trained – something that, after reading every book on potty training, I’d discovered she’d talk in full conversations to a black kitten puppet, and through the puppet, we got her to come to terms with potty training.. she still keeps the puppet at arms length. She’s a brilliant girl, but so inside of herself, I wonder some days if she’ll come out to see us… out from her world of imagination and escape. So here we are with something real. It’s not going to wait for us to decide how to handle it. One friend scolded me for “being afraid of menstruation” which simply isn’t the case… I think I’m more afraid of my daughter’s reaction to such a dose of reality “you won’t be a child forever, you’ll still be you, but a mature you.” I’m quite sure that any mother who is faced with the question of “mom, can I get rid of something on my body (hair) that embarrasses me?” will find the best working answer that they can. For me – it will be the Smooth-Away. No chemicals, no blades… just replaceable stickers that slough off the hair. I bought one out of a bargain bin and though I didn’t fall in love with it, I think I’m praising the world of “As seen on TV” for this invention. We haven’t tried it yet. Tomorrow or this weekend we’ll tackle the world of hair removal… My mother’s answer was a rickety old electric razor – it did absolutely no good for “smoothness” that the other 7th grade girls prized themselves on, but it was what I was given.
anyway… sorry for the bombardment
Thank you so much for sharing Katherine.
Please come back and tell us how the Smooth Away works. I have not tried it myself (not sure I know what it is). I haven’t decided what I’ll help my daughter do – wax, shave with a really good men’s razor, or just adopt board shorts – none of them stand up and go “hey this is obviously the awesome way to go!”
You might think about a Red Goddess Box to put some “special” in the change and reduce some of the fear. http://www.raecole.com/
Like you, I’m not afraid of menstruation, I’m afraid of the social implications that come with outward, visible signs of “adulthood” happening to what are really very young children. That, and a general fear of screwing it up.
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