My name is Kevin and I’m 17 years old. I discovered your website and thought you might have some good insight on an experience I had involving a girl’s image of her body. She was a girl I had just met at a dance a few weeks ago. We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off. Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only made things worse when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed. She had a classic hourglass figure – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. Why can’t girls embrace their curves?
My response:
I don’t know Kevin. It’s mystery to me as well, why girls can’t just love what they’ve got? I, personally, have always striven for an hour-glass figure. But, I’m not in your generation.
Evolutionarily, scientists use the hip to waist ratio as a measurement of beauty and attractiveness. Hour-glass is the evolutionary ideal.
Perhaps, though you misread why she was offended. It’s possible – and I wasn’t there, so I can only guess – that she wanted your focus and interest to be on her self, the whole package - brains, personality, mutual interests, shared values, and body – rather than on the shape of her bod or her physical appearance. Especially, so soon in your interaction.
Next time, save the hot body comments for a more intimate moment, when you know each other better and she’s sure you’re not just in it for her shapeliness. Focus on a new girl as a three-dimensional and interesting person, a friend you share things in common with. What did you discover about this girl in the 30 minutes you chatted? Did you both enjoy history or love to watch Sci-Fi films or enjoy the same literature? Were you both going to the same college, or have a similar family background or religious affiliation? Do you both love to swim, golf or fish?
Focus on those things next time. Ask a girl out on a date, doing something of mutual interest, and you most likely won’t get slapped in the face.
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2 comments ↓
Tracee, this is Kevin, the original poster. Thanks for your great advice! I think you’re right. I really should have stuck to more neutral topics where there was no way she could misinterpret what I meant. Lesson learned.
I do have her email address. Do you think I should send her an apology note?
Otherwise, I do feel ashamed about getting slapped by a girl, but at least I provided some entertainment value to my friends, who were standing nearby and saw it occur. They teased me about the red mark on my cheek during the whole ride home! LOL
Oh Kevin, thanks for writing again!
Now you’re thinking. I think you should send her an apology. If it goes well maybe you could even ask her on a non-threatening date. That’s a great idea.
Friend her on Facebook and complimenting her genius comments will probably help too!
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