Entries Tagged 'Family Life' ↓

I still, after 10.5 years of mothering, can’t figure out which kind of mother I want to brand myself. I’m referring to arguments for, or against, attachment parenting, natural parenting, or Tiger Mothering. But, since everyone appears determined to follow someone’s parenting philosophy, I’m going to brand one myself, in honor of Mother’s Day 2012.

I’m going to call my brand The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™, or simply Exceptional Mothering™, for short, TGREM™. To label yourself an Exceptional Mother™, or TGREM™, here are the 10 strict rules to which you must adhere, debate, convert and evangelize:

• Love Your Kids.
• Teach What You Know.
• Make Intuitive Parenting Decisions.
• Banish Guilt.
• Be an Authentic Woman/Person.
• Have Fun.
• Leave the Other Mothers Alone, (especially the ones who make different choices).
• Grow Good Humans.
• Apologize When Necessary.
• Do Better Every Day.

If you follow these 10 simple rules of TGREM™ you are guaranteed happy children, a peaceful mothering experience, and a loving bond with secure humans who will succeed in adulthood. When you follow the Exceptional Mothering™ parenting philosophy, you will make people who will grow up to have fulfilling careers and promising love lives. Or promising careers and fulfilling love lives, whatever. And when they are teenagers they’ll always speak respectfully. And they will listen to your advice about sex and using a condom or waiting until marriage. And they’ll never do drugs or smoke cigarrettes. Or be mean girls or bullies. Or feel unloved. And they will never, ever turn on you and scream “I HATE YOU!” when you tell them they can’t go somewhere or when you make them clean the bathroom. And they won’t have eating disorders: neither starving, barfing, or binging. Or marry people who are mean to them. Or date boys who don’t call them back. And they’ll never get divorced.

OK. You got me. I can’t guarantee any of that. But, then neither can any other parenting method. At least The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™ philosophy’s strict rules cut a mother a break.

By leaving a comment, Liking or Sharing this post on Facebook, or retweeting it, you too are committing to being an Exceptional Mother™ and you agree to follow the 10 simple rules of TGREM™. Happy Mother’s Day all you Exceptional Mothers™! Don’t forget to convert your friends!

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We live frugally. It’s not some vow of poverty we’ve taken or anything, but my parents were raised by Depression-Era Mormons. It’s a way of life passed down generationally. We’re frugal so we don’t go without.

We buy food in bulk, shop sales and clearance racks, use a coupon, reuse items, shop at garage sales and thrift stores, shop on ebay and Craigslist, accept hand-me-downs, buy used cars, used appliances . . . I could go on. We even give our kids items from Craigslist for Christmas, which is how we have a Wii and a Nintendo DS and bicycles.

As my friend Jenny says, we’re frugal on lots of things, so we can spend our money on other things. As she points to our Apple phones, computers and iPods. It’s true. And it’s easy when you surround yourself with other families who live frugally, as opposed to surrounding yourself with those who want to one-up you on designer labels and expensive toys. Too much stress, that.

You know that stereotype of women who just love to shop, running from store to store, trying on new styles and new things? I’m not that girl. I know my body type by now and I know what will and will not look good on me. I rarely stray. I wear lots of color and lots of unique items, but I stick to what looks good on me. I hate running from store to store and generally stick to my few favorite places where I know I’ll get a good deal: Ross, Kohls (though I’m about fed up with their random coupons and requiring the use of their card), Sams, the Ann Taylor outlet, and only because it’s close to my house Walmart (not for clothes, only for other stuff).

I often shop online, because it’s easier and also because a day of shopping could suck up your day and I don’t have much day to spare these days. You know right at the moment of check out there is usually a little box for a Coupon Code? That reminds me to Google a coupon, because why wouldn’t you? Usually there is one and often it’s at CouponChief.com. You can even log onto CouponChief.com and search for store coupons. They have a pretty good selection with craft stores, kids stores, Target, online stores, restaurants, online stores, pet stores, you name it, they probably have a coupon for it.

What is that the Duggars always say? Spend less and save the difference. Why wouldn’t you?

This is a sponsored post paid for by CouponChief.com, like their Facebook Page to get updates on new coupons.

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It’s Spring Break and we’re staying home. We live in a town where people come for vacation. The kids and I made a list of free and frugal things we want to do this week.

$2 movie matinee, Alvin and the Chipmunks Shipwrecked, ($6)

Great Plates, Fort Collins restaurants are offering breakfast and lunch deals for $2.50, ($10.50 breakfast or lunch for 3 ((don’t go to Snooze and expect this price))

School District Student Art Show (free)

Inspiration Park (free)

Thrift store ($12) – 2 pair of shoes

Dollar store ($3.20) – sunglasses and candy necklaces

Roller Skating ($12)

Swimming ($10.50)

Hiking (free)

Garage Sales (?)

Evening walk every night (free)

Puzzle, 1000 pieces, ($6)

Animal Shelter (free)

An entire Spring Break Vacation, with something fun to do every day, for under $100 (includes tips, gas and 3 meals).

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I’ve been reflecting on marriage lately.

I have many friends who have chosen not to get married. They have been in marriage relationships that have all the fixin’s of a “real” marriage, but they have not held a ceremony or signed any legal documents. They don’t want to be “defined by the marriage” or they don’t want to make such a serious commitment with this particular person.

They don’t want to get so invested that they’ll get hurt is closer to the truth.

Like this woman who wrote All the Single Ladies, which tries to make romance and marriage academic. What she is really doing, in my opinion, is waiting to put herself out there for some promise of perfection, a guaranty that things won’t go wrong or some ideal man who will “be her equal in every way.” Which, because relationships are between fallible and ever-changing humans, does not exist whether you marry someone or just shack up with them or just date them indefinately. Not choosing is choosing by default.

The funny thing is that as the years pass you do become invested with this other person. If, of course, you have the emotional guts to get involved with another human being for any duration. You do become financially and emotionally invested. If you have children then you are inextricably tied to the other person. Whether male or female you end up being in some way, whether emotionally or financially, dependent on your partner whether you marry them or not. To think you won’t is self-delusion.

Marriages and pseudo-marriages don’t always work out. As I witness marriages and pseudo-marriages dissolve some realities strike me.

Those in pseudo-mariages are just as hurt and equally angry. They have to start over and redefine their lives in the exact same way as those with legit marriages. The grief cycle is identical. The attachments they shared with the partner, the compromising, the sacrificing, the dependency are mirror images of legal marriages. If they have children, the children are impacted by both dissolutions of the partnership in very similar ways. In other words, not marrying and not making “the commitment” did nothing to shelter them emotionally.

The difference, from what I can tell, is that with the legal document there is economic protection. Those who didn’t marry, but invested in their significant relationship for over 10 years, did not accrue their partner’s social security points while they took time off to raise children. If their partner chose to take back property given them for birthdays and anniversaries, there is little recourse. Property acquired during the marriage is not “communal property,” but divided up randomly, usually without the protection of the court. If there are children shared, the custodial partner may qualify for child support, but spousal support is non-existent even if they were financially dependent.

This is on top of the years spent in the relationship where they might have gotten insurance benefits and marriage tax credits from being married. They didn’t get the marriage points on their car and home insurance. If their partner dies property, bank accounts, investments and life insurance don’t automatically revert to them as the surviving spouse.

Gay people, for instance, though they do not have access to the legal protection, do not have any immunity to being entangled in the other partner’s life in every way. Nor are they exempt from the emotional trauma of a break-up or death of a partner. If for no other reason, this should be enough to allow them the legal protection that marriage provides.

Certainly not every relationship is marriage-worthy. But, in my assessment it’s simply a good financial gamble as long as women take measures to protect themselves.

The only way to protect yourself from any emotional wounds at all is to wrap yourself in a cocoon and refuse to participate in any and all relationship commitments. But, if you choose that you also insulate yourself from intimacy. No Risk = No Reward. To me, even if it doesn’t end in Happily Ever After, it’s a bold and radical act to jump into the deep end in a relationship and give it your all.

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Somewhere out there I know there’s a mother or father who is feeling guilty this Christmas season. There are lots of reasons for feeling guilty around the holidays. “I can’t afford to buy my kids exactly what they want,” and “I bought my kids exactly what they want and I can’t afford it” are two of the most popular guiltfests.

As usual, I’m willing to expose myself and our way-of-life to make you feel better (whether it makes you feel rich or like at you have a sister frugal friend) and remember it’s not too late to return that ridiculously expensive X-Box 360.

This year, most of what my kids are getting is used. Actually, that’s true of every year. I can afford to get them more of what they want if I buy it on Craig’s List. Last year I scored a Nintendo Wii for $100!

Ainsley is getting: fabulous Columbia winter coat with matching gloves, $20; gorgeous lavender formal dress, $5; several books, all used; several pairs of really nice expensive brand shoes, all used; a brand new pair of boots, $20; a brand new pair of monkey pajamas and a very nice digital camera I got on Amazon’s Black Friday sale.

Zack is getting: an awesome new yellow and black bike, $25 used; a Ninendo DS w/ 3 games, used $55; several pairs of expensive brand shoes, all used; five pairs of Old Navy jeans, new $10 each; several books, all used; shirts and pants, used; and a brand new pair of monkey pajamas.

They will share the year’s worth of canvas and art paper I scored at Michael’s Black Friday Sale.

We could spend all our money on lavish gifts for our kids. But, we have other financial goals that we want to keep knocking out as 2011 closes and 2012 revs up: pay off our cars, eliminate credit card debt and save for a vacation. We’ve been there and done that and realized there’s no joy in Christmas if we’re still paying it off next September.

So, if it seems like everyone in the world is spending $1,000 on their kids this Christmas, except you. They aren’t.

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