Entries Tagged 'Family Life' ↓

Ruth Davis Konigsberg wrote and article in Time Magazine declaring that men are pulling their weight at home and at work, though women still feel put upon.

Turns out that statistically both husband and wife, father and mother, feel equally stretched in a million directions without enough time to get everything done. The difference is that this is an old feeling for moms, but a new one for dads.

Fifty-fifty isn’t exactly happening, because fifty-fifty isn’t a reasonable goal. Dads are working more hours outside the home and moms are putting in more childcare hours. But, the total working hours are the same give or take 10 minutes or so.

Fifty-seven percent of dads agree with this statement, “In the past three months, I have not been able to get everything done at home each day because of my job.” Sixty-eight percent of dads say they “have experienced problems with their employer because of conflicts between their job and their duties as a parent. Seventy-two percent of dads “report that their income would decline if they worked fewer hours.”

The article goes on to state that the reason both moms and dads, but especially moms, feel overextended is because we are participating in “the concerted cultivation of children.” In other words, we’ve raised the bar of parenting higher than previous generations and spend more time at Taekwondo lessons and other child-centered extra-curricular activities.

The article also points out that dads feel pressured because work expectations change for new moms when a baby is born, but not for new dads. The workplace cuts women a little slack, in other words, but expect dad to keep performing at his usual pace.

Essentially, this is good news statistically.

But, does it feel true for you?

Is the work/childcare/housework pretty equal in your house or are you pulling the notorious “second shift?”

In my house, I have to say I have few complaints. Dad helps with cooking, dishes, laundry, childcare and works a full-time job. Any complaints I have are about the amount of time and energy his full-time job demands. The late dinners, the extra-curricular activities like the Thursday night golf game, the working from home on evenings and weekends. These things make it harder for me. The kids are older, so it’s not like it creates more labor. But, I can’t leave and go do something else when he works late or plays golf. I have to be the warm body making sure nothing drastic happens. Also, it just makes me feel lonely.

How about your family life? Is it equal? Does it balance out?

Lately I haven’t been having enough play in my life. It’s been all stress and anxiety. The “what ifs” have been having a circus in my brain, doing cartwheels, making me a mess of fearful futures that aren’t even that scary. The biggest “what ifs” being absurd like, “what if I won’t have anything to do?”

It’s been helping to have friends and family who are willing to go do playful things with me and the kids. Going to the big city pool with my friend Jenny and her kids. Going school clothes shopping yesterday and rocking some clearance racks at Macy’s.

Today we’re going to the Denver Zoo with my Mother-in-Law. We’ve never been to this zoo, so it should be fun.

Fun. Fun. Fun.

It’s a priceless commodity and I’m glad to finally have some access to it. For the past few months I’ve been struggling to let myself get anywhere near feeling it. We’ve been doing some fun stuff, but I’ve been so bound up in fear that I wasn’t coming close to having any fun. But, the medication is doing its job and I’ve been feeling fun again.

Feeling like maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to get back on my horse and ride. Like maybe I’ll be able to take a risk or two again. Like maybe I still have some goals that I might possibly be able to achieve in this lifetime. Like maybe, just maybe there is still some purpose for me, something to keep my eye on and move toward.

So, today, we’ll go to the zoo. And it will be fun. I’m determined to have some fun. I’m determined to have a positive attitude and just watch my kids and the animals and chat with my MIL and maybe enjoy the taste of a snowcone.

Today I’m grateful that my children have fantastic grandparents. I was blessed to know all four of my grandparents until my two grandfathers passed when I was an adult.

Just the mention of grandparents coming to visit, is enough to make my children so excited they are even willing to emergency clean. LOL.

My mother-in-law is visiting for several days and I find it such a comfort. We’ll soon make our summer trek to see my parents in Utah and it too will be a comfort.

Both grandmothers tend to bring a craft or sewing project for Ainsley and I kind of love that they keep the feminine textile arts alive for us.

Grandparents are awesome. They provide continuity and fun and tradition. Not to mention wisdom. Since becoming older my mother and mother-in-law are more open about the trials of their lives and it makes me feel less alone.

In beautiful April,

Flowers Bloom,

And babies are born.

Summer is almost here.

It’s getting even hotter,

As spring passes by.

The sun stays out,

while gloomy clouds go away.

Kids run around playing,

Instead of inside their houses.

Birds start chirping,

The snow on the mountains melt,

Grass gets greener every day.

And school is almost out!

Ainsley’s poem was chosen for the National Young Writers of America Anthology. I am a proud Mama.

So, The Tone has not resolved itself. The Tone used to be directed only at me.

But, now. . .

It could lash itself on the little brother. . . the neighbor . . . friends.

I’ve taken to making her do chores when it gets out of control.

Talk back, argue, snap at someone, hurt someone’s feelings  . . .

Sweep the floors.

Mop the kitchen.

Clean the bathrooms.

Vacuum.

Do some yard work.

I like it because it takes some work off my plate. I like it because it teaches her valuable life skills. I like it because it is something I can DO about it. I like it because I think work is calming, really. It’s soothing to sort, organize, file and have something be different when you’re done.

Will it get rid of The Tone?

Who knows?

But, at least my house will be clean and tidy.