Entries Tagged 'Feminine Heritage' ↓

The New York Times has an article, They’re, Like, Way Ahead of the Linguistic Currrrve, about how new studies have found that girls and women direct language for the rest of the population.

The article is slightly condescending in tone, in that, well just look at the title yourself. Then look at this little cartoon. They cite Valley Girls and the Kardashians as the evidence of girls’ influence on language. The rest of the article is about how girls are using language to create bonding relationships and to convey emotion. You know, girl stuff, acting cute and being cute. Even though it makes them appear stupid and not to be taken seriously.

I’d like to point at that just because researchers just started studying female influence on language does not make it a “new” phenomenon. Nor is it limited to trendy teenage girls with reality shows.  Have you read a Mommy Blog or Friended a woman or two on Facebook? Women are inventing new words, new syntax, new inflections and sounds, adding new meaning to existing words every second of the day.

Nor do women use language simply to create bonds and convey their feelings. They use language to get what they want. They use language to make political points. They use language to draw boundaries — in the home, in the workplace, in politics. In every arena in which they participate and women and girls participate in every arena.

You should meet my friend Jenny. She appears to have invented a new word or phrase that conveys complex meaning for things that, as yet, have no known definition every time I talk to her. Just yesterday I learned the word Suck-tastic when a woman described the month of February on my Facebook page. I intend to use it frequently now.

Women have superpowers when it comes to listening to language. From the moment their babies are born they can distinguish their cries for hunger, tired and overstimulated; they can tell their baby’s cry from another, they can hear complex levels of emotion in their children; they can hear a lie.

From the earliest of ages girls can distinguish between a truth and a lie. Young girls will tattle on other girls for saying something cruel and hurtful like “I love your hair” or “that dress is so pretty.”

In other words, this condescending theory is craptastic and straight from Crazytown.

Words are the most powerful thing in the entire Universe. In fact, we know from the Bible and many other faith and folklore traditions, that whole entire Universe was created with “The Word.” The pen IS more powerful than the sword. While men point out statistical evidence for this or that legislation, women bring the power to it by evoking emotion and personalizing the political by means of Story. I promise you that Story is one of the most powerful means of changing people’s understanding and changing their minds. Statistics evoke nothing in us, they don’t touch our humanity and they don’t invoke change. But if someone perceives the Story behind the statistics — that a child is going hungry, that people are left suffering for lack of healthcare, that women die from breast cancer leaving their beloved children without a mother, that gay teenagers are in such pain for lack of acceptance that they often consider suicide — only then do they consider changing their original beliefs and taking action. Story is feminine domain.

Women make language their Bitch, bitch is the new black (Tina Fey). We direct the entire culture with it. We add layers of meaning where there is none. When called for, we can reduce the strongest biggest man to a cowering wuss, using language as a vicious sword to emasculate him. We seduce with language. We reframe perceptions with language. We expose truths with language. We create definitions and invent new concepts with language. Words are our playground. Language is feminine domain. We conquer entire nations with it. There’s no stopping a girl or woman with something to say.

Women invented language.

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Women Invented Language

You know how “they” always say that women weren’t allowed to be literate until like the 1800s or something ridiculous like that?

Well that’s just stupid.

One only has to compare the verbal and written communication skills of a boy toddler and a girl toddler to know what one is more naturally gifted with language than the other. Surely every Kindergarten and preschool teacher has witnessed the obvious. One only has be in a relationship to know that the idea that men felt the strongest desire to communicate is a down-right absurdity.

Women invented language. They formed words and wrote them down and then taught those skills to men, finding a way to force them to communicate.

At some point in history men got intimidated and wanted to flex their muscles and burned, destroyed and otherwise silenced women to gain power. Destroying a vast amount of world history in the process. Which is a tragedy.

It’s true. I would prove it, except they destroyed all the evidence.

Equal Pay Is A Dumb Idea

We’ve been begging congress to give women equal pay since 1963. They don’t want to. If they did, we’d have accomplished this by now. It’s not because they are sexist (well, maybe it is), but it’s mostly because they are capitalists and men derive pleasure from competition. It’s the merit system.

Equal pay as a law was probably a good idea in 1963 when men held all the power and ran all the companies and women were just barely entering college in mass.

But, in 2012 it’s a low, low bar. We shouldn’t rob ourselves and our sisters the opportunity to out-earn their male counterparts after 2,000 years of economic oppression. That would be short-sighted and wrong.

Women are attaining higher degrees than men. In large cities young professional women are out-earning and out-advancing their male counterparts.

Most important, women are starting more businesses than men. THIS is how we’ll achieve equal pay — if such a low bar is to be achieved. Women CEOs will decide whether they choose to reward gender, merit or pay a flat rate for each employee in a certain job. It will be interesting to see what we choose when we hold the power in our own hands.

Smart Women Don’t Run For Office

We always say we want more female representation in political office. Well, mostly liberal women say that. Of course, they don’t mean they want more female representation, what they really mean is we want more pro-life Democratic female representation. Republican pro-life women are to be publicly tarred and feathered.

Personally, I think a more feminine Republican party benefits everyone. If only because it’s getting stale looking at those smug stubborn grey-haired men’s faces. Women are more creative. A good maternal Republican woman would slash the hell out of extras in the budget and lock those smug men in a room with generic bags of cold cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until they could agree on budgets and bills.

Still, that would be the only fun part. The rest of it sounds like a lot of crap that no woman in her right mind would want to deal with. I mean, what’s great about the job? First you have to spend all your money in the ridiculously junior high school popularity contest they call campaigns, you have to put up with rude, disrespectful and insulting questions from journalists and tabloid writers calling themselves journalists, people dig in your garbage to find scraps of paper with something incriminating on them, they hack into your email, you have to make your taxes public, half the world hates your guts and wants to see you dead, they drag out all your old boyfriends and lovers to say something bad about you, they Photoshop your face on naked people and have porn stars pretend to be you in ironically titled adult films, they rake your religion over the coals, they harass your children, they criticize your every parenting choice and the neighbors tattle about the time you yelled out the door “Get your butt in here and clean up your room or you will face DIRE CONSEQUENCES!”

Then, you get the job and every word, choice, haircut and lipstick color gets picked to death by the blogosphere. You can’t accomplish everything you said you would because that’s how the system was designed — but they blame you anyway. You never make enough money to make back what you spent on the campaign in the first place. Then you have to pay for an apartment in Washington and kiss people’s ass all the time.

Repeat.

Who in their right mind would want this job? Essentially it’s committing quality-of-life suicide. If you love yourself Ladies, don’t run for office.

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Some of our family and friends have “disabilities.” Of course, yours do too. My kids ask questions about their friends’ disabilities. Sometimes adults use letters — ADD, ADHD, OCD — to describe these disabilities, other times they use words that mean nothing to kids like Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Mental Retardation, Downs Syndrome, Aspergers, Dyslexia, Bi-polar, depression. Usually people talk about these different abilities so negatively. I find this type of thinking limited. I hate that we attach the word “disorder” or “syndrome” to God’s gifts. Has anyone ever met a “normal” person? Does anyone really want to be one?

My kids want to know things like what does the name of these “disorders” mean, what does it mean the kid or adult can and can’t do, what will it mean for their future, will they be okay, should they be pitied, do they need help or special treatment?

I’m not an advocate for any special group, I’m not an educator for any particular disorder, I’m not a specialist on any of these disorders. I’m a parent who wants to tell my kids the truth as I know it, answer their questions and make sure they leave the conversation with respect for the way God chose to make different kinds of people, instead of doing the boring thing and making us all think the same and act the same. I don’t take special care to answer my kids with “political correctness” so if you’re offended, please choose not to take it personally.

Attention Deficit Disorder — ADD and ADHD is the inability to focus or sit still, or at least that’s what the public school system wants you to think. These people are highly creative, have a lot of ideas and find it difficult to focus on one thing. This sometimes makes it hard for them to learn what their teachers want them to learn in school. It makes it hard for them to sit still and be quiet in class, so sometimes they have to take medicine to help them. But, when they grow up, these people will be fantastic salespeople, communicators, marketers, artists and entrepreneurs. They’ll have lots of brilliant ideas and if they can find the right people to implement them before they lose interest, they’ll probably make lots of money.

Autism and Aspergers — These people are born with an ability to think differently than you or I. They have linear engineering minds. If ADD or ADHD is the inability to focus, Autism and Aspergers is the ability to hyper-focus or focus so intently that you almost can’t learn anything else or connect with the people around you. They get fixated on certain things to the point of obsession. Maybe the way things are made or the way things are built. In the school system and society, people interpret this as odd and peculiar. They miss social cues and don’t have a lot of friends, they find it difficult to have deep emotions or make intimate connections with loved ones. But, when they grow up, or even while they are teenagers or older children, they are capable of great leaps of discovery. They might find the gene that cures cancer or make the next leap in technology or computers. They become so focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else that they are bound to discover or invent something new about it or expand it in some way. They are geniuses.

Downs Syndrome and Mentally Retarded —  These people have brains that don’t develop at what is considered a normal rate. They may have suffered an injury or they may have been born this way. These people are pure and innocent. They connect intimately and they came to teach us how to be vulnerable and love purely.  They find it easy to connect to the Now and stay present and focus on the important things in life. When Jesus said “be like the little children,” these are the people you want to look at to see what he meant. Pure. Innocent. Present. Connected. Open. Vulnerable.

Bi-polar and Depression — These people are highly creative and intuitive. They go up and down in their emotions. Some people stay pretty level all their lives. They don’t have really high highs, they don’t know how great that is — but they don’t know what serious lows are like either. People with “bi-polar disorder” are often actors, artists, musicians, writers, public speakers — extremely creative people who rely on bursts of inspiration to do their work. During times when they don’t have burst of inspiration they experience lows that can be very dark, this is depression. It’s very hard for them because they know how great real ecstasy can be. They are usually brilliantly creative and extraordinarily passionate and often end up famous.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — These people enjoy order. They like for people to take care of their business because, hey they take care of theirs. They can get obsessive about it. They like to clean. They can get freaked out about uncleanliness. They can be control freaks. These people will grow up and be Martha Stewart or that Walsh guy who who helps the Hoarders get rid of their shit and clear out their psyches. They’ll be IKEA designers, it will be awesome. When ADD and OCD people get married there could be balance or massive conflict – you just never know.

Of course I didn’t list every diagnosis or different ways of being in the world. Just the ones that have come up lately with my kids as they have touched our lives with our friends and family.

I would love if you left comments describing your perspective of other “disorders” and “diagnosis” that have touched your lives and how you talk to your kids about them.

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Mitt Romney is the front runner for the Republican nomination for president in the 2012 elections, by many accounts. That is, if some Christian pastors don’t convince their congregations that it’s unacceptable to vote for a Mormon and persist in perpetuating fictions about the Mormon faith.

I, personally, know quite a bit about the Mormon faith. Though I am not a practicing Mormon, having left the church as a teenager, my entire family is Mormon and I grew up in the faith. Allow me to clear up some common misconceptions about being Mormon, as we focus on Romney’s campaign:

• Mormons do not practice polygamy. They did practice polygamy prior to Utah becoming a state in 1896.  The federal government required Utah to include a ban on polygamy in its state constitution in order to become part of the union, which had the effect of breaking up families, with husbands abandoning wives and children en masse.  Many Mormons felt this was unfair, wrong and immoral. These people broke off from the Mormon church and created their own factions that are not associated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints today.  They are the ones who practice polygamy today. Watch Sister Wives on TLC for a modern-day picture of polygamy. Other people who practiced polygamy?  Abraham and pretty much everyone else in the Bible.
• Mormons ARE Christians. The church is titled The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - note theJesus Christ part of the title. The first Article of Faith, one of the primary beliefs of the Mormon religion, is “We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.” Which, as you can see is nearly identical to many Christian faiths belief in the Godhead.
• Mormons believe in an Eternal Family. Mormons are exceptional parents and the foundation of their lifestyle is the family. Like Catholics, Mormons tend to have a lot of children. Not so much because they have to, but because they like to. The family is the center of their lives. They focus on their families in an obsessive sort of way that is really very beautiful. Displayed in the living rooms of my grandmothers, my mother and many Mormons I know is the saying, “No success in life can compensate for failure in the home.”  
• Mormons believe in, and use, various forms of birth control. They are instructed to have only as many children as they can emotionally and financially care for.
• Mormons believe in modern-day prophets, rather like the Pope. It is usually a kind elderly man who has been in the LDS administration for many years. They believe he is ordained and called of God. They believe that there are Holy Men that live today and speak to their members about what God wants of them. Their members follow righteously. When one of them dies, another is called of God.
• Mormons believe, like many religions, that God speaks to people through the Holy Spirit. They believe the Holy Spirit guides their actions, keeping them safe, directing them in the ways they should go.
• Mormonism is a completely volunteer religion. Bishops (equivalent to Pastors), Youth Leaders, Finance Advisors, nursery workers, everyone is a volunteer. No one gets paid for their service. They also do not get to choose their jobs. They are “called” by God to serve where they are needed and they comply. These jobs are temporary, usually for a year or several.
• Mormons contribute billions of dollars to international and national Aid. They donate money, food, clothing and medicine around the world. They do it because service is a foundation of their religion. Women make quilts for infants, maxi pads for girls and women, hats and many other things. Once a month on Sundays Mormons fast and the money they would have spent on food, they donate to the poor.
• Mormons do have a gender-divide like many Christian religions. However, they also have a history of gender-equality. Prior to obtaining statehood, women had the right to vote in Utah. This too, was outlawed by the federal government when they became a state.
• Mothers generally are encouraged to stay at home with their children. This is considered right and good, not because they are not considered smart enough to compete in the marketplace, but because of the vital importance they place on children and the family. Women pursue the raising of their children with an equivalent ambition to any woman’s profession.
• Mormons, including Mormon women, are highly educated. They achieve university degrees in order to better educate their children and to provide for their families should their husbands become unemployed or in case they are widowed or if they choose to work outside the home or become work-at-home-mothers and many do.
• Mormons have a long history of serving in the military. My grandfather, father, sister-in-law, cousins and brother have had careers in military service.
• Mormons have a strict code of accountability. Mormons believe in tithing, church attendance, moral conduct, healthy behavior, kindness to others, and fiscal responsibility. They are accountable both to the church and to each other.
• Mormons wear special underwear. However, as I pointed out to my non-Mormon husband, his white undershirt and boxer-briefs are nearly identical, save the all-white color, to what Mormon men wear. If  you wear Spanx or any type of shapewear, your special underwear is far more confining and restrictive than the loose, breathable white cotton or polyester undergarments Mormon women wear. These garments serve to keep Mormons modest, as well as having other special religious meaning to them.
• Mormons never, ever give up on each other. You can leave the church and 50 years later they will still ask you to come back.
• Mormons take care of their own. If a Mormon is out of work or going through a poverty spell they are supplied with food, money, clothing, employment, counseling services and anything else they might need.
• Mormons are not a cult. Any religion made up of millions of people can’t be considered a cult. They are extraordinarily organized. Not given to whimsy.
• Mormons believe in self-sufficiency. If you were in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina you’d have wanted to find some Mormons. As a tenet of the religion they are advised to keep a storage of food, water and money. They keep survival tools, as well as items to cook, keep warm, travel, and hunt with. They keep 72 hour survival kits. They are extremely active in Boy Scouts. It is common sense. They also believe in the Last Days and intend to survive them, which motivates this tenet.
• Mormons believe in niceness and politeness. Really, you’re not going to find nicer neighbors, nicer people to work with, kinder friends. If you have a baby, Mormons will bring you meals for two weeks. If someone dies, same thing. If you have sickness in your family, you will have help.
• Mormons are evangelical, meaning they are encouraged to serve Missions and convert others.They believe they have the Truth and they want everyone to have it too. Boys of 19 and girls of 21 (because older girls rarely date younger boys) are encouraged to go around the world, learning another language, spreading the word of God. Only young adults who have lived under the strictest of moral conduct are eligible to go and those who do go are encouraged to pay for it themselves. It is a great sacrifice. They put off college for two years to do it. It is a great coming of age experience, a great time of growth and very difficult for some. Retired adults are also encouraged to participate in this experience.
• Mormons hate for people to go to hell. They have three Kingdoms of Heaven to prevent this from happening. The Celestial Kingdom is for those who have lived Holy, Eternal Marriages and kept their Covenants to God; the Telestial is for those who have been Holy but, have not accepted the Mormon faith – even after death; and the Terrestial for those who have been murderers and terrible sinners; Outer Darkness, Mormon’s version of Hell, is reserved only for those who, after death, having been given the chance to accept the truth of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior still choose to reject it. It is one of the most compassionate versions of salvation I’ve ever heard of. Everyone gets a chance after death. They baptize people by proxy after death to account for all of those who were born before Jesus came to earth and those who never had the chance to accept or hear of Jesus during this life.
• Mormons believe in the Bible as the Word of God. They also believe in the Constitution as inspired by God. They also believe in the Book of Mormon as the Word of God. I, personally, believe all inspiration comes from God — thus, the Holy Spirit.

If you’re not going to vote for Mitt Romney, that’s fine. I’m a Democrat, so I most likely will not. But don’t not vote for him because you’re ignorant about Mormons.

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I know it could be perceived as controversial. I realize it might be taken wrong. I know I’m on a tight rope, walking a very fine line . . .

Still, I want you to know that TGR Body was born of Love. Love . . . the kind you feel for your kids, and you wish you felt for your self. The kind that knocks you to the floor when you see sex and violence mixed on television and you want . . . better. Better for these beings you’ve taken the trouble to birth, teach and raise. Love . . . the kind that makes you look at advertising and marketing towards girls and you know it’s condescending . . . hateful. . . minimizing . . .painful . . .heartbreaking to internalize. It’s so poisonous to their very selves. Intrusive to their sense of wholeness and being. It. Is. Not. Who. They. Are.

TGR Body was born of the love that answers that media conflict. The labels. Oh, how important they are. Labels have a choice to say . . . the creators have a choice to say . . .You’re enough. or You’re not. The labels can say, “I love the incredible miracle that is who I am.” or they can say, “I am not good enough as I am, unless I devote a portion of myself to improvement with the products of this bottle, which might improve my flawed, imperfect self.” Or they can choose to say, “I am. I am a beautiful human being, which has a right to exist and be heard just as I am and seen as beautiful in the way I was made, by a miracle of birth and natural selection and holy creativity.”

Yes. All of that is what I hoped to provide with the labels of TGR Body. See, the thing is . . . we’re here, all of us, to serve a purpose and that purpose can get derailed by the wrong marketing, advertising and labels.

The wrong messaging to our reflections in our mirrors. The kind we see on beauty products and television commercials and Internet ads. It can. Get derailed. And we can lose our place in the knowing of the incredible miracle that we actually are.

TGR Body – me – knows that every person born IS a miracle. IS the person who was supposed to be born. Is the person who was supposed to look in the mirror with gratitude and joy and say, “Yes, this. This is the miracle that I am. This is who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to look like and it. is. good. It is a miracle, after all. Miracles are bountiful and beautiful and I am one of them.”

Is that too much to ask of a skincare or haircare product? As I am the creator of TGR Body, I have to say that No. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I think it’s the minimum we should ask of every experience we have and every product that we buy. It should be something affirming of the miracle that we are. The miracle we were created to be.

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