Entries Tagged 'Mother-Daughter Emotional Osmosis' ↓

Back in ’07, before the economy melt down, I was writing about Women and Money.

It’s a big deal. We say stupid things like “Money Can’t buy happiness,” when the reality is that “Not having money can buy a great deal of unhappiness.”  In a marriage especially.

Having quit my job to be a SAHM/WAHM, I don’t actually make much money. I asked my readers, of the old Blog Fabulous (now BlissTree w/b5media) and on The Girl Revolution to be just a little less economically dependent and passive about the future and just a little more active.

I convinced my husband to put $50 into my own TD Ameritrade Save Yourself Account every month.

It transfers automatically, so after the initial, somewhat awkward conversations, it doesn’t remain an issue up for debate.

We’re married. So we debate things having to do with money. There’s a limited amount of money and this is real-life, so things don’t go as smoothly as you imagine they will when you’re 20 and you think marriage is going to be all romance and rings and dinners out. Should I start selling Young Living Essential Oils? Should we spend $5000 to self publish my book? How much are we saving? How much is on the credit cards? What are we going to spend on groceries?

You know. It’s your life too.

It’s been a little over a year that I opened my Save Yourself account.

I am so glad I did. With only $50 a month, I made some investments that have accumulated to almost $2,000. I’ve bought and sold stock. It’s been a great illustration of how small things add up. You think a year is a long time – when you’re 20 – but, it goes faster and faster in your 30s and soon . . . it’s not $50, it’s $2,000.

I’ve decided to become an independent distributor – small business owner – in a brand of Healthy Chocolate and Young Living Essential Oils.   I used the income from my Save Yourself Plan to make the initial investments. No marital haggling.

It feels awesome, every time I look at it. Every time I realize, I can just decide to do something without haggling over it with my spouse. Every time I check my account I feel a little more powerful in my own life.

If you have gotten nothing else from The Girl Revolution I hope it’s that if YOU are more powerful in your own life, the odds are better for your daughter.

Modeling empowerment, financial security, body image, self esteem, and relationship stability is the very best thing you can do for a kid.

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The Science of Happiness

“Not surprisingly, that science has found that beyond a certain minimum level of income, greater happiness comes from strong and plentiful human connections, a sense of control over one’s life and employment, meaningful work, good health, basic economic security, trust in others and in government, and other factors less directly connected with monetary remuneration.”

John de Graaf makes the case, “that shorter working hours are crucial to happiness, health, and long-term sustainability.”

Read the rest at Yes Magazine

Oh and do check out the sweetest ever letter from the King of Bhutan on the country’s website, www.grossnationalhappiness.com

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In Golf Magazine’s self-proclaimed “Greatest Survey Ever,” 21% of men say they could beat Tiger Woods.

Twenty-one percent of male golfers believe they are better than the best golfer in the world. Better than a gifted prodigy.

Do they have to be better golfers than Tiger to believe it? No.

Do they have to prove they are better golfers than Tiger to believe it? No.

They just get to feel awesome about themselves every time they think the thought, “I could beat Tiger because I am an exceptional golfer.”

If golfing is to men what beauty or body image is to women, tell me how many women would you estimate believe they are sexier or more beautiful than Angelina Jolie?(chosen because she received 58% of the vote in a Vanity Fair survey.)

How many girls believe they are better performers, singers or more beautiful than Hannah Montana?

I’m confident the percentage would be nearer to zero than twenty-one.

Who do you think feels better about themselves? The man who thinks the thought, “I could beat Tiger because I’m a great golfer,” or the women who think, “I could never look as beautiful as Angelina Jolie,” or “I’ll never measure up to Hannah Montana” or “I’d be happy if I was just a size 0 like Kate Moss?” The answer is obvious.

Even the most beautiful women in the world are self-deprecating about their own skills, talents, looks, etc. I’ve seen them trash themselves on Oprah. Oprah herself is self-deprecating as hell about her body. If you’re arguably the richest, most powerful woman in the world, shouldn’t you be allowed to feel good about yourself even though you’re rocking a size 16?

Men are not self-deprecating. Perhaps that is why they hold more public office and higher positions in business. Who wants to elect, hire or promote someone who believes the size of their thighs determines their worth, or who believes the other candidate is better looking and more qualified than they are?

Self-deprecation doesn’t serve us. It’s not getting us where we want to go.

The next time you look in the mirror realize you’re making a choice: to self-deprecate or self-appreciate.

Choose the thought that makes you feel good, instead of the thought that makes you feel bad.

Like those delusional golfers, you don’t have to prove you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, but the only person stopping you from feeling like you are is you.

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Robin Marantz Henig and Jess Zimmerman (of Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty Fame) wrote a piece about bodies, fat and the mother-daughter relationship.

It pushed about every button I have. I’ve been in an internal debate with myself ever since I read it last week: as the mother, as the daughter, as the writer, as the health conscious, as the overweight one, as the girl advocate, as the typically aesthetic one, and as the spiritual being in a physical body.

I’ll encourage you to have your own emotional reaction when you read The Fat Fight on Oprah.com.

I invite you to come back to The Girl Revolution and tell me what you think. I’d love to hear what other readers, mothers and daughters think about the fat issue.

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There appear to be a great many still-existing Brick Walls in front of girls and women. Take this article Guys Still Hog Role of Intellectual Heavy Weight, which examines my professional frustrations.

My own Brick Wall is generally in the form of The Family Budget. Sometimes I, unfairly, imagine my husband as the guard dog protecting the wall.

When we come on brick walls we need to ask ourselves some questions and teach our daughters to do that same:

Scale it?

Have someone give me a lift?

Hack away at it little by little?

Tunnel under it?

Go around it?

Jump over it?

Chisel a hole through it?

Bomb it with dynamite?

Melt it?

Deconstruct it?

Remove it?

Climb it?

Who can help me get over it?

Who can I take with me?

You get the picture.

Rethink your Brick Walls.

(Image here)

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