I am deeply struck by this photograph which I found on About Face, a non-profit company which combats negative images of women in the media.
Without taking a right or wrong stance about plastic surgery, this photograph of a mother and her daughters speaks volumes about what self-hatred, self-criticism and self-loathing costs the collective conscience of femininity.
Remember when we found out on Friends that Rachel had a nose job? It seemed like a kind enough thing to do for herself when she was single and a completely autonomous person. But, then she had a baby girl and the issue came up again. It was quite funny to watch her consider, “What if the baby gets my old nose?”
Funny. But, in a practical sense what if she does? What if she gets your old nose? How much harder is it to learn to love yourself if you go through life with a nose even your own mother finds unacceptable?
Who then is responsible for the daughter’s self esteem issue about her nose? While many might come back to a post like this and say, “Well, just give the daughter a nose job.” Sure, eventually. But, she has to hate her nose until it stops growing in her late teens.
My hypothesis is that it’s much more effective to learn to love our own nose, face, and breasts than to combat poor self worth in our daughters, created by our own feelings of self-loathing.
It is also notable that the feelings about my own appearance have become significantly more positive now that I can look at my daughter’s face and see the beauty there. To me, she has not one single flaw. The features she shares with me have become more attractive to me by virtue of being on her.
That said, many women will get plastic surgery to fix what they perceive as “flaws.” I don’t want to argue the moral position that you shouldn’t, certainly you have to make your own decision.
That said, I do think it’s worth asking, what then do you plan to say to your daughter if she shares the same perceived flaw?
Read more about how our feelings about our own appearance deeply effect our daughters feelings about themselves in Self-Loathing Sin Bank.
Jen Lea is Queen of Financial Peace. Visit Jlogged and you’ll always come away with valuable ways to save your family budget. Being her friend is like Keeping Up With the Jones’ on a Budget. Way more fun and far less guilt.
One of the easiest ways to teach our children empowerment is to teach them about financing and budgeting. Freedom does not come from relying on your mate’s income, credit cards, or loans. Real freedom comes when one is free to pursue their purpose without the shackles of debt. This can be achieved by teaching your children to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. One of the ways our family saves is by throwing simple birthday parties Vs. costly extravagant ones.
We invited immediate family and Jonas’ two very best friends. (not the whole class and every person we know.)
I made the cupcakes and brownies myself. Then I provided ice cream + toppings for brownie sundaes.
I drug out a stack of board games, and broke the kids into teams. They had a blast playing Operation, Trouble, and Checkers.
Didn’t make party favors (that are always plastic junk that ends up in the trash, or sugary candy)
Hosted after dinner, so didn’t feed the whole group. Just cake, ice cream, and drinks. This is a first for me, as I have always served food of some kind to party guests.
It was simple, inexpensive, and F-U-N! I didn’t have to worry about entertaining (or impressing) people I don’t know, IE: parents from the Kindergarten class. No complicated party schedule. No fussing with meal prep. I was there for every whimsical second of my twins’ special day, and not busy doing other trivial tasks that over-the-top parties entail. Living small is really working out nicely for our family. Because less stress=fewer glasses of Merlot more joy.
Make a list of things you want in your life and make a picture collage out of it. Teach your children how to make one too. Or let them teach you.
Include things, relationships, connections, people, God, feelings, etc.
Use symbols and symbolism, words and photos, that are meaningful to YOU.
Use magazines with positive messages.-
NO NEGATIVES!!!!! Do not under any circumstances put the words “no debt” on your dream board or you will always get debt – no exceptions. Choose the words “wealth” or “financial freedom” instead. Do not use words like “lose weight” or “stop eating” or “stop being a pig” either or you will get weight and focus on eating and look like a pig. “Healthy body” or “feel fantastic” are better choices.
Use feelings behind your problem. “Love Exercise” will help you love exercise instead of hate it, which will make you lose weight.
I put characteristics and feelings I want from the relationships with the people in my life on the back of the photos before I glued them on.
Focus on others a little. What do you want for your children and family – write those words on the back of their photos.
I found the words “breathing space,” yoga, meditation, quiet time, family time are good things.
Listen to the feelings that come up – they are pointing you in the right direction. If something feels wrong, wait to put it on or reevaluate whether you really want it and examine why.
Use the words “or better.” If you use “or better” you leave God and the Universe room to give you even better than your own mind can imagine.
Be careful and intentional - what you put on this board you are going to get.
Hang it in your peripheral vision.
Put it on your computer as a slide show or as wallpaper.
Make the Dream Board in a Soaring Good Mood.
Take a step toward your goals.
Focus on the flow. Put the focus where it should be.
Put yourself on the board. Photos of your self and your name need to be on the board.
Be specific.
Pay attention and acknowledge. Acknowledge that your marriage is better or that you’re enjoying your children more or that your not as stressed about money in a few months.
Give thanks. Thank God (or the Universe or whatever you believe in) for giving you everything on your board. Both before and after you receive it.
Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.
