Entries Tagged 'Toys & Games' ↓

The Internet is awash with controversy over whether a Ukrainian woman is a “natural” Barbie look-a-like.

Did she have plastic surgery or didn’t she?

Uh, who cares?

The more interesting question is why she wants to emulate an inanimate object — a plastic child’s toy?

To attract men? But, do little boys really grow up fantasizing about dating a woman who looks like Barbie? Little girls are the primary consumers of Barbie.

This woman does look like Barbie, but so does Hugh Hefner’s Harem of Barbies. At least these ex-girlfriends of that old porn codger have expressions and move like humans.

Frankly, I’m not sure I’m convinced that some jokester isn’t taking photos of a real Barbie doll in her Dream House and photoshopping backgrounds to make her look human-sized. Take that stupid blogosphere!

Let’s say this is, in fact, a real woman who is pretending to be Barbie. WHY?

Well, I’ve been having some feelings lately. You know those pesky annoyances that make men roll their eyes when you try to express them. Or even how annoyed you become when you’re pre-menstrual and you start to cry and keep crying throughout the day and you don’t even know why? Feelings are a real pain in the ass sometimes. Or when you get all irritated that your kids keep talking to you when you’re trying to do something and you really, really want to be the good mom who cares, but you also want them to shut up and quit whining and this makes you feel both irritated and guilty. Or that feeling when you really, really liked a guy and he never called and you wonder what you did wrong and you regret having any feelings about it, feeling weak or stupid for getting invested? Stupid feelings.

You know who doesn’t have feelings? Plastic toys. Barbie. She always has the same pursed lips and blank wide eyes, well, until a dog uses her face for a chew toy. She never has to worry about crying and ruining her mascara, she never has to worry about whether the guy is going to call after he rubs himself on her plastic androgynous groin, hoping not to pop off a leg at the swivel joint.

It’s probably very emotionally convenient to be a plastic doll.

And she’s not the only one. This is some big trend among girls on YouTube, imitating Barbie.

You know what this reminds me of? So Sexy So Soon, a fantastic book that came out in 2008. It was revolutionary in that it very effectively exposed out how advertisers and marketers use children’s sexuality and how, in fact, our sexuality becomes connected to and intertwined with objects they want to sell. They use all sorts of trickery to make us believe clothing, toys, sunglasses, purses and shoes or beer, tires, razors and tools are really sexy.

Evolutionarily, without these weird messages, humans are programed to believe that other humans are sexy. Weird, right? Humans hot for humans. Revolutionary!

Sexualization of objects appears to have been so effective that this woman believes she’s sexier as a plastic object than she is as a human. It’s the opposite of personification of objects. It’s plastification of humans. Hot.

Being human is so 20th Century.

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Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories is being offered right now on Amazon’s Kindle for FREEEEEEEE!!!

That’s right. I want to gift a copy of my book to you for free!

AND you can share it with your friends for free!

I only ask one thing. Please leave a review on Amazon.

Now go! Go get your copy! Quick!

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The blogosphere is confusing the hell out of me. Specifically the supposed advocacy blogosphere, which says it’s watching out for body image and female progress.

In previous years these advocates would argue that certain toy companies excluded girls from engineering type toys – maybe Lego for instance – by focusing on male narratives, often narratives that focused on violence and competition and conquer (Star Wars, Ninjas, Dinosaurs, Cars movie, Mind Storm, etc.). Certainly, one might argue, there was definitely room for Lego to make their product more inviting to girls. So they did.

And pro-girl advocates responded with a violent social media shit-storm that surely made their head spin.

We don’t need a “girl” Lego line. The line isn’t “smart” enough. Characters were beauticians wearing mini-skirts, sitting in hot tubs, drinking mojitos and this sells girls short. Did my friend Crystal – who is a beautician that wears mini skirts and sits in hot tubs drinking mojitos whenever possible – really sell herself short? I thought. Prior to this moment I had thought of her as a small business owner and artist who actually had a pretty rad life. Wait, I wear mini-skirts and so does Ainsley. We sit in hot tubs. We drink fancy drinks out of fancy glasses, mostly because it makes us feel fancy. What does this criticism say about us?

I guess the blogosphere was looking for the narrative to be more upscale, only narratives about women lawyers, doctors and corporate executives will be allowed. The “lowly” professions will now be considered “selling yourself short” for all girls no matter where their interests or skills lie. Only gay boys will be encouraged to be hair stylists from here on out and vacationing or relaxing, forget it. Is this where we’re headed?

Then we have the issue of body image. The blogosphere has been fighting women and girls being objectified by media and advertising. Namely posing models in sexualized poses that make them look like the entertainment. It’s degrading. It’s minimizing. It’s demoralizing. It dehumanizes us and it’s downright disrespectful. Right? Well, I guess that’s only if the girl or woman is emaciated and the blogosphere is jealous of her weight. I mean, that’s the only conclusion I can come to considering the accolades this photograph and article about plus-sized women being passed around by the exact same blogosphere that has been for years declaring that posing women like this is down-right wrong.

When I pointed out, on Facebook, that this was, in fact, a very popular pose in pornography I was told I was flat out wrong and they just didn’t see this at all.

Seriously? You don’t see that this woman is bent in half with her bottom and vag. exposed, ready to take it from behind, with her face to her knees (making her essentially faceless to her lover), except that it’s looking directly into the camera for the viewers’ benefit with a giant smile that says “I’m having a GREAT time in this completely unnatural and weird pose!” with her childish braid hanging to the ground, juxtaposed next to her super high heals?

Have I gone mad? Am I the only one who sees all the markings of pornography or has this woman’s size 8 thighs blinded everyone? I mean, plus-sized women hang out like this all the time, right? Folded in half exposing their asses for easy access in little girl braids and three-inch stilettos – that’s the cultural definition of “sexy” we’ve all agreed on and fat girls are “sexy” too damn it! Imagine if she was an emaciated girl. Then it’s objectification of women? Imagine if it’s a man. Then it’s just gross?

I thought plus-sized women were shooting higher than wanting to be included in being objectified by the media and in advertising. I thought they might want to get out of this cultural insanity with their dignity in tact. But, “this is art” I was told. Unlike all the other times when it’s just the media and advertising objectifying and sexualizing women and girls.

My mistake. This is progress. I guess?

I’m just not sure where the hell all this progress is going anymore.

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This is Ainsley and her PawPaw showing off their new cell phones. He got the new iPhone 4 and she got a cool purple slider phone.

Yes, we got our nine-year-old daughter a cell phone.

My mother-in-law reminded me that I used to say things like, “I would never give a child a ______ ” on the assumption that cell phones were some potential evil form which might “spoil a child.” As if withholding joys, pleasures, and technology somehow makes a better human.

When you’re a new parent, you’re sometimes stupid. Coming from your experience in a way that assumes you know all there is to know about parenting and the future when they are born.

Then you grow.

You start to realize how convenient it would be to text your kid at the neighbors house, “come home, time for dinner” instead of calling the neighbor or going over. You start to realize how much easier it would be to keep track of where they are. You also realize it would be better for them to keep in touch with their grandparents, cousins, and friends without them touching your own new iPhone.

The rules are simple: keep it with you, don’t text me when you’re in the next room all day long, and we (parents) will look at your phone at any time, so don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t want your parents to know about.

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