Yesterday I read my horoscope for 2011 and it said, among other wonderful and exciting things, that I would make a serious change in my working environment on Jan 4.
Sure enough, I woke up this morning and decided that I was done working at home with a four-year-old. It’s . . . under-stimulating, isolating, frustrating and just plain not working for me anymore. I’m glad I did it. But, I don’t want to do it anymore.
I’ve been feeling like this for a while now and coming up with some brainy ideas like putting Zack, my 4.5 year old, in childcare for longer and trying out the new co-working thing at Cohere.
This morning I couldn’t think of one single reason not to try it out TODAY!
I’ve got a lot on my plate with the release of TGR Body, several corporate projects to tie up, and a book I’m trying to do final edits on, not to mention keeping The Girl Revolution updated and growing.
“Mom, come wipe my bum,” is non-conducive to feeling unstressed, productive, centered and focused.
All my life I’ve been very attached to the idea of “working from home.” Since the birth of my first child I’ve been walking the fine line between meaningful work and meaningful motherhood very, very carefully.
It’s hormonal, in my opinion. How many times have you heard the words, “I never thought I’d want to quit my job, but then I had a baby and it kills me to leave everything and go back to work?”
Yeah. Then there’s the equally true and just as emotionally-charged, “Being a stay-at-home mom/work-at-home mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. I miss my career, I miss people, I miss being validated with a paycheck.”
Yeah. The war rages on – inside of us.
Never under-estimate the power of estrogen.
I think his hormones were tied to mine in an inherent psychic, spiritual and emotional way that was stronger than any of my other desires or ambitions. As it was with my daughter. As it is with children and mothers in general, some more than others. But, as he turned four, I could feel his pull on my hormones lessen. Give a little here and there. My need, my desire to be with him most of the time got weaker. His “pull” on my mind, body and soul weakened, became more flexible.
As our hormonal connection got weaker and weaker, I got more ideas . . . maybe my friend Jenny is right, that co-working is perfect for me. Maybe Zack should be in a school setting. Maybe I can take on this project or that one. Maybe I need to – no, want to – spend more time working and less time mothering. Maybe I really, honestly, truly don’t care what other people think about whether I work, or don’t work, or where I do it from, or where my children spend their time. This is MY life. Our life. We should do what we want. What feels best for us.
The more I thought about these ideas the more I fell in love with them.
So, today, I just did it. And it feels . . . liberating, exciting, calming, relaxing and right.