Growing Girls With Purpose

I’m now dipping my toe in the dating scene. Literally, the last date I went on was a foot massage. I work from home and I go to church with menopausal lesbians, so online dating is the perfect place to meet men.

Here’s what I have learned about online dating in your 30s and 40s.

People tell you exactly who they are, believe them. As Maya Angelou and Oprah have said so often. With online dating this is true.

Many of them are obviously still furious about their past relationships. Steer clear of someone who’s not over it, I say.

They’ll say things like “I want a boyfriend-like situation, but I want you to need nothing from me because I’m offering nothing like time or attention unless it’s on my terms.”

Thanks for telling me that I absolutely do not want to be your not-girlfriend.

No Games and No Drama is a big request. It makes me sit back and wonder why this dude is attracting games and drama. Thanks, but no thanks. This guy is already starting with a chip on his shoulder and a preconception that texting him is a matter of desperation, or he doesn’t keep his promises, so like, his girlfriend gets mad at him. But, he doesn’t feel he should have to deal with her inconvenient feelings.

Others will say seemingly innocuous things like, “I work 60 hours a week and I want someone to spend my free time with.”

What? That five minutes every full moon when you can’t really bare being alone? Could this be the reason you got a divorce?

Resentment about money comes through very clearly in online profiles. They’ll say things like, “Coffee is the first date, we should make sure we’re a match before I spend money on dinner.”

Real generous guy. Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life fighting over money with you.

Others will feature themselves with shot glasses and beer in every shot. Whether they are boating, in a bar or at a friend’s house they’re getting the party on.

No alcoholics please.

One of my favorites is: “I have two children and they are my life, they will always come first.”

Um, yeah, I’m glad you’re into your children, but being told right up front that I will not be a priority is not a turn-on.

Then there are the guys who obviously do not take care of themselves. 40 has a way of looking vastly different from man to man. There’s the athletic type whose hobby is always rock climbing or biking, then there’s the guy who obviously spends a lot of time eating hamburgers and watching football on the couch. The beer belly is the dead giveaway, and something about the palor of their skin and the lack of brightness in their eyes.

Another big tipoff that this is not the guy for me is when he can’t be bothered with periods or capitalization. Or they message you and you might be slightly interested but realize that they are incommunicative—which makes for a not awesome relationship. This can be discifered from their inability to carry on a messaging conversation.

You: Today I went to get an amazing foot massage and had a delicious lunch. What did you do today?

Him: not much

Where is a conversation supposed to go from here?

The beauty of online dating is that I don’t have to meet any of these guys in person and accidentally fall for them or have to fend off advances from undesirable dudes.

But, then there are the other ones. The sweet ones. I’ll write more about them later.

Images: Wikamedia Commons

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I have had some amazing massage experiences since I made the commitment to my own healing work in a luxurious way.

And I’ve had some pretty bad experiences too.

Every single time it was because I was cheaping out on massages. I was paying rock bottom prices on Living Social and I went to a lady who charges $25 out of her house. Which sounds great, until you get there and he wants to play heavy metal music and smells like cigarette smoke and it makes wish you hadn’t stripped down to your undies. And her house is unkept, the yard is a crappy dirt hole and there are broken down muscle cars in the driveway and trash in the flowerbeds and you question how sanitary the sheets are, so you can’t relax. Incidentally both of them played Pandora during the massage, and without the upgrade to avoid commercials.

Should I care about this stuff? Is it worth getting a deal on massage?

I realized that massage and healing body and energy work is worth paying for because I’m there to heal and that requires an exchange of energy. And both of these people had an energy that screamed lack, poverty, not enough. 

I buy many things very frugally, and there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that, except when I’m doing it because I feel I have to.

When I get a high from scoring a badass dress at the thrift store it’s great. It’s a happy light-hearted energy of abundance! I have an amazing new dress! The Universe gifted me a pair of designer leather boots for $5! I can buy a new wardrobe for $20!

Cheaping out on myself has been a pattern though. When I’m seeing a massage therapist who’s giving me the heeby jeebies, it’s coming from a place in myself that feels like I don’t have enough. And that’s the energy that makes life suck and it withholds wonderful things from us.

Do you cheap out on yourself? Take one step toward light-hearted abundance today.

Tracee Sioux is an Authentic Power Life Coach, author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories; and she blogs at TheGirlRevolution.com. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com.

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I went see Catherine Gregory, the Mayan Massage therapist whose hands are featured on my dream board.

I had been preoccupied with my belly area. In 2012 I gained a shocking amount of weight. I broke my clavicle and could barely move, in fact, was instructed not to lift, push or pull anything over five pounds for two months. Pounds packed on so fast I couldn’t even believe it. Add to that the incredible stress of getting a divorce.

Stress is the number one fat producer in the country. Seriously, relaxed people can eat chocolate cake for breakfast, ice cream for dinner, pizza for lunch and drink beer in copious amounts and they would still be thin. Stress is a fat manufacturer. And where does stress fat end up?

The belly.

The belly is also the area of creativity. It is the womb area, the place where life literally manifests from the creation of pleasure (at least one orgasm occurs so someone is in pleasure). It is the place, also where food is digested, where we absorb nutrients and eliminate waste. If the belly is out of balance with fat, constipation or indigestion it’s a symptom that the Sacral Chakra is not in balance, that we are unable to digest the events of our life.

The womb is the center of a woman’s being, and it is often where women store emotional pain. Enter PMS, irregular or painful periods, pain during sex, fibroids and other pelvic issues.

Because I am a writer, this chakra is an essential part of my being. My stomach was full of knots, literal knots of tissue where it had been clenched for so long that the fascia was hardened. My stomach was distended and bloated. I was ashamed, embarrassed and self-conscious. And spending way to much time thinking about it, and negatively so.

What you focus on expands. Which means that the more frustrated and preoccupied I was with it, the bigger and more noticeable it got. Hating something brings more of it into your life.

The only solution is to love it away. So, while I didn’t embrace the idea of having a bulging belly, I do spend time massaging it with love and meditating health and vitality and light into the area.

Gregory gave me a seriously healing, releasing massage complete with intuitive visioning. She taught me how to self-administer belly massages for myself everyday. And I’ve been doing them. She also gave me health tips like stop taking progesterone and take Chaste Berry Tree tincture to support my natural hormone process.

I’m loath to admit it but since I took her challenge to go on a two-week gluten fast, my stomach is flattening. My ego got pretty defensive about the gluten bit because gluten is quite hard to avoid.

My stomach is being loved back to flat.

Try putting some love and light into an area of your body that you’re not as in love with as say, your breasts. My breasts are so amazing that I want to have sex with myself every time I look at them. Truth.

Tracee Sioux is an Authentic Power Life Coach, author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories; and she blogs at TheGirlRevolution.com. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com.

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This is a picture on my dream board for 2013. My Soul started the year weary. My body too. I’ve come to realize, over time, that healing doesn’t have to be “hard work,” as I had been told in my early 20s in traditional therapy.

Instead, it can be easy, delicious and soothing. It’s a matter of releasing pain, not reliving pain.

This image is especially powerful because I took this photo and wrote this article for Bella Spark Magazine. As I was flipping through mags during the annual Dream Boarding session and I found my own article. The photos is of a Mayan Massage therapist who I was dying to see. Clip. Glue. Call Forth.

I absolutely did not know how I would pay for body work every week. Certainly I’ve had massages but they’ve been months apart. A special treat or a result of reaching a pain level that I couldn’t tollerate before I would cough up the money.

But, I committed when I put it on the Dream Board and made the radical New Year’s Resolution. During one of my massages I heard my Soul say, Tithe Here. And since this is The Year of Yes! I followed the instructions, setting aside 10% of my income to tithe to my own healing, my own physical and spiritual well-being.

Results halfway through March?

Yummy, gooey, delicious!

And while I am spending that 10% on my healing, I am also being showered with free body work and healing experiences.

There is the whole week of body and energy work with SpiritQuest in Sedona, of course. Which was literally divine.

Also, my friend Christina Verg at A Woman’s Place offered a free facial on Facebook. And of course I said, yes please! OMG, it was like standing on a cloud in heaven for an hour. You know that tingly feeling when someone is touching you in a loving way and you feel it all through your body and you think, I never want this feeling to end? It was that. I think I might like facials better than massages now. Her hands were so soothing and delightful, she put all of her energy into it. It’s winter in Colorado and that facial quenched my skin’s thirst. Yes, it was that good. I’m not even exaggerating.

And there’s more! Click here to find out how weight is literally melting off!

Put an image of massage on your dream board. Magic and miracles await your request.

Tracee Sioux is an Authentic Power Life Coach, author of Love Distortion: Belle, Battered Codependent and Other Love Stories; and she blogs at TheGirlRevolution.com. Contact her at traceesioux@gmail.com.

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I’m surrounded by red rocks, Vortexes and phallic crystals in Sedona, Ariz. I am being hosted by SpiritQuest, a spiritual guide company. Established six years ago by Ed Preston and Katherine Preston Lash, this company fields calls from the hurting, traumatized people of the world who find themselves at a pivotal point in their lives. What they were doing before doesn’t work anymore. They have an inkling that there is more out there in the vast Universe. That God, Spirit and Soul just might exist… (read more at getborn magazine).

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