Growing Girls With Purpose

Some of our family and friends have “disabilities.” Of course, yours do too. My kids ask questions about their friends’ disabilities. Sometimes adults use letters — ADD, ADHD, OCD — to describe these disabilities, other times they use words that mean nothing to kids like Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Mental Retardation, Downs Syndrome, Aspergers, Dyslexia, Bi-polar, depression. Usually people talk about these different abilities so negatively. I find this type of thinking limited. I hate that we attach the word “disorder” or “syndrome” to God’s gifts. Has anyone ever met a “normal” person? Does anyone really want to be one?

My kids want to know things like what does the name of these “disorders” mean, what does it mean the kid or adult can and can’t do, what will it mean for their future, will they be okay, should they be pitied, do they need help or special treatment?

I’m not an advocate for any special group, I’m not an educator for any particular disorder, I’m not a specialist on any of these disorders. I’m a parent who wants to tell my kids the truth as I know it, answer their questions and make sure they leave the conversation with respect for the way God chose to make different kinds of people, instead of doing the boring thing and making us all think the same and act the same. I don’t take special care to answer my kids with “political correctness” so if you’re offended, please choose not to take it personally.

Attention Deficit Disorder — ADD and ADHD is the inability to focus or sit still, or at least that’s what the public school system wants you to think. These people are highly creative, have a lot of ideas and find it difficult to focus on one thing. This sometimes makes it hard for them to learn what their teachers want them to learn in school. It makes it hard for them to sit still and be quiet in class, so sometimes they have to take medicine to help them. But, when they grow up, these people will be fantastic salespeople, communicators, marketers, artists and entrepreneurs. They’ll have lots of brilliant ideas and if they can find the right people to implement them before they lose interest, they’ll probably make lots of money.

Autism and Aspergers — These people are born with an ability to think differently than you or I. They have linear engineering minds. If ADD or ADHD is the inability to focus, Autism and Aspergers is the ability to hyper-focus or focus so intently that you almost can’t learn anything else or connect with the people around you. They get fixated on certain things to the point of obsession. Maybe the way things are made or the way things are built. In the school system and society, people interpret this as odd and peculiar. They miss social cues and don’t have a lot of friends, they find it difficult to have deep emotions or make intimate connections with loved ones. But, when they grow up, or even while they are teenagers or older children, they are capable of great leaps of discovery. They might find the gene that cures cancer or make the next leap in technology or computers. They become so focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else that they are bound to discover or invent something new about it or expand it in some way. They are geniuses.

Downs Syndrome and Mentally Retarded —  These people have brains that don’t develop at what is considered a normal rate. They may have suffered an injury or they may have been born this way. These people are pure and innocent. They connect intimately and they came to teach us how to be vulnerable and love purely.  They find it easy to connect to the Now and stay present and focus on the important things in life. When Jesus said “be like the little children,” these are the people you want to look at to see what he meant. Pure. Innocent. Present. Connected. Open. Vulnerable.

Bi-polar and Depression — These people are highly creative and intuitive. They go up and down in their emotions. Some people stay pretty level all their lives. They don’t have really high highs, they don’t know how great that is — but they don’t know what serious lows are like either. People with “bi-polar disorder” are often actors, artists, musicians, writers, public speakers — extremely creative people who rely on bursts of inspiration to do their work. During times when they don’t have burst of inspiration they experience lows that can be very dark, this is depression. It’s very hard for them because they know how great real ecstasy can be. They are usually brilliantly creative and extraordinarily passionate and often end up famous.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — These people enjoy order. They like for people to take care of their business because, hey they take care of theirs. They can get obsessive about it. They like to clean. They can get freaked out about uncleanliness. They can be control freaks. These people will grow up and be Martha Stewart or that Walsh guy who who helps the Hoarders get rid of their shit and clear out their psyches. They’ll be IKEA designers, it will be awesome. When ADD and OCD people get married there could be balance or massive conflict – you just never know.

Of course I didn’t list every diagnosis or different ways of being in the world. Just the ones that have come up lately with my kids as they have touched our lives with our friends and family.

I would love if you left comments describing your perspective of other “disorders” and “diagnosis” that have touched your lives and how you talk to your kids about them.

“For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback.”

— Michelle Obama, March 2008

image of Occupy Wall Street Demonstration: abcnews.com

image of students being maced at University of Tennessee OWS protest: abcnews.com

Image of OWS arrest: wsjonline.com

How about now Michelle? 

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”

— The Constitution of the United States of America

This is a thyroid. Notice how it is shaped like a butterfly. A butterfly is a symbol of transformation. It has lived a life as caterpillar then wound itself tightly into a cocoon and rested, then broke free, morphing itself with incredible amounts of energy, though it looked as if it was doing nothing but lying dormant for a long time, and then one day it stretched its wings and broke free of its confines; expanding itself to its full capacity with its peacock blue and vibrant orange magnificent wingspan, lifting off, fluttering on the currents of wind, landing on whatever pretty flowers or far flung limbs, high mountains or glassy lakes it likes.

Notice too that this organ is located on the throat, where the voice, the epitome of expression emits itself. Where we sing from and speak from, where we make ourselves heard from. Where we choose or not, to say what we have to say and where we allow our thoughts to come out from inside ourselves to be broadcast into the world; to be criticized or praised. We scream from here, we laugh from here, we hum a tune from here and when we do this place in our throat vibrates in a way that makes our souls heal from pain, sorrow and grief in a transformative way that is miraculous and holy. When we are infants the sounds we make are primal crying, cooing and laughing. Through our lives we cry from here; guttural sobs, whimpers, gasps of fear, whimpers of humiliation, all of it passes through this space. Every sound of emotion we have for our entire lives, really, passes through this space in our bodies. Every sound we hold back stops here. Notice too that when we are sad or “fighting back tears” this is the exact place that we get “choked up” or experience a “lump in our throat.” The breath of life, water, food, all nourishment passes here. All swallowing. The thyroid is a miraculous and symbolic part of our body. When it goes too slow, we are holding something back.

It was my alarm that my weight was climbing drastically fast that made me march into the doctors office and demand that my thyroid, which had been a minor problem before, be tested again. Alarm isn’t really the right word: FURY is the one. It turns out I have hypothyroidism. My thyroid is running slow. It is sluggish. Blocked. Not expressing itself quickly enough. The thyroid gland largely controls the hormones of your endocrine system. It also effects your blood sugar system, your brain chemistry, your energy levels, your ability to control your body temperature, your circulation, your ability to think with clarity, your ability to sleep, your metabolism.

Essentially your thyroid controls your emotions.

What interests me about my hypothyroidism is the message my body has for me here, right now. If you’ve read the work of Louise Hay or Dr. Christiane Northrup you too know that the mind, body and spirit are intensely connected, that when the body is out of whack or malfunctioning it is sending you a message, “Hey you, listen to me, I have something important to tell you from your deep, wise Spirit, from the Universe. If you don’t listen, you will get sicker. If you listen and act, you will heal.”

In Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life  for thyroid: Humiliation. Belief: I never get to do what I want. Affirmation: I move beyond old limitations and now allow myself to express freely and creativity. Hypothyroid: Giving up. Feeling hopelessly stifled. Affirmation: I create a new life with new rules that totally support me.

In Northrup’s Women’s Body’s, Women’s Wisdom she points out that the thyroid has to do with one’s will, are you begin too willful or overly compliant? It is a fifth-chakra issue and hypothyroidism often has to do with women who often have difficulty speaking up for themselves, holding their own point of view, may have overly soft voices, and have difficulty making themselves heard.  

This is what I know about my hypothyroidism: My thyroid is tell me “Hey Tracee, there is something you’re not saying that you need to say. You’re afraid. Say it anyway. Or you will be sick from not expressing it. From not saying it.”

My purpose on this Earth is to write; to express; to create with words; to create change with the power of my words. It is my Super Power. There are things that I alone was put on this Earth to say. No one else can say them in the way that I can say them and they MUST be said. When I say them, I am freed. I am the butterfly. When I don’t I have confined in the cocoon, stifled, restricted. I want to be the vibrant blue and orange butterfly!

Finish the book!

Mitt Romney is the front runner for the Republican nomination for president in the 2012 elections, by many accounts. That is, if some Christian pastors don’t convince their congregations that it’s unacceptable to vote for a Mormon and persist in perpetuating fictions about the Mormon faith.

I, personally, know quite a bit about the Mormon faith. Though I am not a practicing Mormon, having left the church as a teenager, my entire family is Mormon and I grew up in the faith. Allow me to clear up some common misconceptions about being Mormon, as we focus on Romney’s campaign:

• Mormons do not practice polygamy. They did practice polygamy prior to Utah becoming a state in 1896.  The federal government required Utah to include a ban on polygamy in its state constitution in order to become part of the union, which had the effect of breaking up families, with husbands abandoning wives and children en masse.  Many Mormons felt this was unfair, wrong and immoral. These people broke off from the Mormon church and created their own factions that are not associated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints today.  They are the ones who practice polygamy today. Watch Sister Wives on TLC for a modern-day picture of polygamy. Other people who practiced polygamy?  Abraham and pretty much everyone else in the Bible.
• Mormons ARE Christians. The church is titled The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - note theJesus Christ part of the title. The first Article of Faith, one of the primary beliefs of the Mormon religion, is “We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.” Which, as you can see is nearly identical to many Christian faiths belief in the Godhead.
• Mormons believe in an Eternal Family. Mormons are exceptional parents and the foundation of their lifestyle is the family. Like Catholics, Mormons tend to have a lot of children. Not so much because they have to, but because they like to. The family is the center of their lives. They focus on their families in an obsessive sort of way that is really very beautiful. Displayed in the living rooms of my grandmothers, my mother and many Mormons I know is the saying, “No success in life can compensate for failure in the home.”  
• Mormons believe in, and use, various forms of birth control. They are instructed to have only as many children as they can emotionally and financially care for.
• Mormons believe in modern-day prophets, rather like the Pope. It is usually a kind elderly man who has been in the LDS administration for many years. They believe he is ordained and called of God. They believe that there are Holy Men that live today and speak to their members about what God wants of them. Their members follow righteously. When one of them dies, another is called of God.
• Mormons believe, like many religions, that God speaks to people through the Holy Spirit. They believe the Holy Spirit guides their actions, keeping them safe, directing them in the ways they should go.
• Mormonism is a completely volunteer religion. Bishops (equivalent to Pastors), Youth Leaders, Finance Advisors, nursery workers, everyone is a volunteer. No one gets paid for their service. They also do not get to choose their jobs. They are “called” by God to serve where they are needed and they comply. These jobs are temporary, usually for a year or several.
• Mormons contribute billions of dollars to international and national Aid. They donate money, food, clothing and medicine around the world. They do it because service is a foundation of their religion. Women make quilts for infants, maxi pads for girls and women, hats and many other things. Once a month on Sundays Mormons fast and the money they would have spent on food, they donate to the poor.
• Mormons do have a gender-divide like many Christian religions. However, they also have a history of gender-equality. Prior to obtaining statehood, women had the right to vote in Utah. This too, was outlawed by the federal government when they became a state.
• Mothers generally are encouraged to stay at home with their children. This is considered right and good, not because they are not considered smart enough to compete in the marketplace, but because of the vital importance they place on children and the family. Women pursue the raising of their children with an equivalent ambition to any woman’s profession.
• Mormons, including Mormon women, are highly educated. They achieve university degrees in order to better educate their children and to provide for their families should their husbands become unemployed or in case they are widowed or if they choose to work outside the home or become work-at-home-mothers and many do.
• Mormons have a long history of serving in the military. My grandfather, father, sister-in-law, cousins and brother have had careers in military service.
• Mormons have a strict code of accountability. Mormons believe in tithing, church attendance, moral conduct, healthy behavior, kindness to others, and fiscal responsibility. They are accountable both to the church and to each other.
• Mormons wear special underwear. However, as I pointed out to my non-Mormon husband, his white undershirt and boxer-briefs are nearly identical, save the all-white color, to what Mormon men wear. If  you wear Spanx or any type of shapewear, your special underwear is far more confining and restrictive than the loose, breathable white cotton or polyester undergarments Mormon women wear. These garments serve to keep Mormons modest, as well as having other special religious meaning to them.
• Mormons never, ever give up on each other. You can leave the church and 50 years later they will still ask you to come back.
• Mormons take care of their own. If a Mormon is out of work or going through a poverty spell they are supplied with food, money, clothing, employment, counseling services and anything else they might need.
• Mormons are not a cult. Any religion made up of millions of people can’t be considered a cult. They are extraordinarily organized. Not given to whimsy.
• Mormons believe in self-sufficiency. If you were in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina you’d have wanted to find some Mormons. As a tenet of the religion they are advised to keep a storage of food, water and money. They keep survival tools, as well as items to cook, keep warm, travel, and hunt with. They keep 72 hour survival kits. They are extremely active in Boy Scouts. It is common sense. They also believe in the Last Days and intend to survive them, which motivates this tenet.
• Mormons believe in niceness and politeness. Really, you’re not going to find nicer neighbors, nicer people to work with, kinder friends. If you have a baby, Mormons will bring you meals for two weeks. If someone dies, same thing. If you have sickness in your family, you will have help.
• Mormons are evangelical, meaning they are encouraged to serve Missions and convert others.They believe they have the Truth and they want everyone to have it too. Boys of 19 and girls of 21 (because older girls rarely date younger boys) are encouraged to go around the world, learning another language, spreading the word of God. Only young adults who have lived under the strictest of moral conduct are eligible to go and those who do go are encouraged to pay for it themselves. It is a great sacrifice. They put off college for two years to do it. It is a great coming of age experience, a great time of growth and very difficult for some. Retired adults are also encouraged to participate in this experience.
• Mormons hate for people to go to hell. They have three Kingdoms of Heaven to prevent this from happening. The Celestial Kingdom is for those who have lived Holy, Eternal Marriages and kept their Covenants to God; the Telestial is for those who have been Holy but, have not accepted the Mormon faith – even after death; and the Terrestial for those who have been murderers and terrible sinners; Outer Darkness, Mormon’s version of Hell, is reserved only for those who, after death, having been given the chance to accept the truth of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior still choose to reject it. It is one of the most compassionate versions of salvation I’ve ever heard of. Everyone gets a chance after death. They baptize people by proxy after death to account for all of those who were born before Jesus came to earth and those who never had the chance to accept or hear of Jesus during this life.
• Mormons believe in the Bible as the Word of God. They also believe in the Constitution as inspired by God. They also believe in the Book of Mormon as the Word of God. I, personally, believe all inspiration comes from God — thus, the Holy Spirit.

If you’re not going to vote for Mitt Romney, that’s fine. I’m a Democrat, so I most likely will not. But don’t not vote for him because you’re ignorant about Mormons.

I’ve noticed a new trend — younger and younger kids are on Facebook and they are trying to Friend me. At times these kids are as young as 8 and they are usually kids of my friends or relatives or friends of Ainsley’s.

I don’t Friend kids and I think all adults should strongly consider whether they should or not. (Personally, I don’t allow Ainsley to have a Facebook page for the reasons below, but that’s a parent’s call.)

•  If you are my Facebook Friend then you probably know that I am likely to repost an off-color joke, not-for-kids essays that I might publish on The Girl Revolution, say something that might offend the kids parents or post an article on sexuality or some other issue that isn’t meant for a child audience. I don’t particularly want to change my FB habits.
• There are several hundred people on my FB page that I don’t personally know. They are people that I have networked with online. They are people who know me from this blog. They are people who have Friended me because I said something funny on one of their friend’s posts. These people often make inappropriate-for-children comments on my posts and the kids would read them.
• Any one of my Friends could be a child predator and could use my page to scout for kids. You never know. People are always shocked when they find out someone they know is a child molester. Someone could see a kid comment or like one of my posts or sift through my Friends list and ask a kid to Friend them.
• As much as we try to educate them, I don’t think kids are sophisticated enough to reject Friend requests, especially if the person seems innocuous and is flattering to them.
• Child predators often pose as kids and make friends with kids. Kids are not sophisticated enough to discern between a real kid and a fake kid. Sometimes parents aren’t either. These people are well-practiced in what they do.
• I’m not convinced that most parents are proactive enough in monitoring their kids online behavior.
• I don’t want to be responsible kids’ Internet safety, except my own.
• I don’t want to be a negative or questionable influence in a kid’s life. As I said, I don’t want to censor myself for kids. If an adult is offended by my comments then I trust them to UnFriend me or block my comments. I don’t trust kids to be smart enough to be offended by inappropriate content.
• As a parent, I would be concerned if my children were friending a bunch of adults, save Grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins.
• I don’t particularly want to engage with children online. I enjoy the conversation of adults.