Growing Girls With Purpose

With Ainsley testing above her grade level, I’ve been encouraging (insisting and pressuring) her to read above her grade, so that she continues to improve and doesn’t get lazy.

So, I printed a sixth-grade Accelerated Reading list and we took it to the library. Dracula by Bram Stoker was on the list. I was surprised, because it was required reading when I was in College English, but I loved the book so we checked it out. But, on the way home, I started remembering that there was a sexually-violent undertone to the book that I don’t think is appropriate for a 10-year-old.

I asked around on Facebook . . . How do you encourage your kids to read above their grade level without risking them reading above their maturity level? It’s a conundrum that a lot of families face, it turns out.

Lori Day, an Educational Consultant in Massachusetts, and one of my Facebook Friends wrote back and reported that her Mother-Daughter Book Club had faced the same problem and they had come up with a brilliant list of books that were age appropriate for third- through eight-Grade girls with strong female protagonists. She was kind enough to share her list and the story of her Mother-Daughter Book Club.

Mother-Daughter Book Clubs Enrich Reading and Relationships

Thanks Lori! This is the list Ainsley and I will be taking to the library until we’ve exhausted it.

Dear TGR,

I’m a red head. I hate my hair — now here’s why.

Kids are cruel. They make fun of the littlest things — like the color of your hair. And you act like you don’t care — but when you get to highschool you really start to care again. It’s not fun when you can blind people because your hair is so shiny — there’s not much fun about being a red head actually …  And then there’s the pale skin that usually comes along with it — and all the freckles. You grow up thinking you’re not pretty. That you’re a freak. And personally I wish that when I have kids — they don’t have my “curse” as I call it. I don’t want them to be “gingers” or “fire crotches.” It’s not fun. I can understand why other girls wouldn’t want to be red. Sometimes I wish that people would notice me for more than just my hair — especially when that’s my least favorite thing about myself. But that’s all people notice. It’s annoying. And guys do like it — but that just means they’re looking at your physical body and not your heart.
I don’t want to be a “Ginger” anymore. In fact I NEVER wanted to be a “ginger”

Rather Be Marianne

Dear Rather Be Marianne, 

I’m going to give it to you straight. This is a problem you have the power to solve through chemicals.

You have a few choices here. You could go Blond or Auburn. Blond will likely be more expensive and require diligent maintenance, Auburn you can achieve by popping into your local drugstore or Walmart and choosing the color that screams your name for under $10. Google images of Nicole Kidman and see all the variations of Strawberry and Blonde and Auburn she’s done and figure out what you’d like to try first, you are free to change your mind at any time.

If you choose Auburn, follow the instructions closely and do the strand test (seriously, I know people who have had their hair fry off, including myself). With Auburn your red roots will grow out nicely and you won’t have to touch them up as often. You can do touchups yourself at home and it will be pretty affordable to maintain with hair color from the drug store. Auburn has a red undertone so, it will compliment your natural skin tones nicely. 

If you choose to go blond, it will be more expensive to have done and require more maintenance because your roots will be more noticeable. Go to a medium-pricey salon. (Do not trust Walmart or Cost Cutters or you will likely beg for your lovely Ginger Mane back.) Tell them you, like Nicole Kidman who was also a natural redhead, now prefer to be a blond. Don’t go Barbie Platinum Blond, ease into it subtly to avoid more teasing. Think about starting with a light Strawberry Blond and remember you can always go lighter or darker after a few weeks if you don’t like the results. Take photos with you to the salon. Try a new cut with your color (the cut is free with a color so you might as well).

Be prepared, for this will be about maintaining blond hair every six to eight weeks — so you’ll need to get a job if you’re parents can’t afford it or aren’t willing to make the sacrifice. A good hair color will run around $60 -$100. Don’t do this yourself the first time. (Maybe after you’ve had great success several times and you feel like you’ve gotten the hang of it you can try touchups yourself.) But, if you hate being a Ginger as much as you say you do — well, I bet you’ll think the cost is worth it.

As to your alabaster skin, try a self-tanner. I recommend TGR Body’s Sun-Kissed Body and Sun-Kissed Face for a natural, organic tan all year long. 

Good Luck to you Rather Be Marianne! Let me know how it goes. 

Tracee, The Girl Revolution

Author, Tracee Sioux Photo Credit, Ainsley

If you’re a regular here, you know I spent the summer battling depression and anxiety. Beating down old demons and wrestling dragons from my past that would creep up on me in unexpected ways. And learning to let go. It was excruciating. Here’s that post if you’re interested.

When I was done with that — and properly medicated — I felt like I was staring at a blank page. Just sort of waiting for what was next. Not in pain anymore, and greatly relieved about that. Just waiting for my next wave of inspiration, in anticipation. Here is that post.

Well, the day after Ainsley’s 10th birthday party I woke up in an inexplicable frenzy. I went down to the basement to the “storage room.” and began to clean. In this room is everything no one in the house wants to deal with. Boxes we have not unpacked since we moved from New York in 2002. Shamefully, I found boxes I packed upon leaving Morro Bay, Cal. in 1999. We were “box hoarders” keeping every shoe box, every box from items we purchased from last Christmas and since, every Amazon box – why?

I won’t bore you with everything in that room. Crap we don’t need. Crap that’s not in my house anymore. And I haven’t stopped. Everyday I’ve just been seeing piles of stuff, clutter, magazine racks, book shelves with books I’ve already read, boxes in the garage full of stuff we don’t want, shoes that don’t fit anyone. OUT!

It feels so good and it has set my Creative Energy FREE!

My creative energy is sky rocketing as a result. I’m taking risks where I wouldn’t have before. I have a freelance marketing gig from this stuffy baby boomer CPA who hadn’t updated his marketing material in 20 years. I wrote this hilarious, hip and edgy marketing piece and it was brilliant! I mean it really was brilliant! I threw caution to the wind and sent it to them. They LOVED it. It wasn’t at all what they were expecting and they loved it!

I’m redecorating everything. Picking edgy paint colors that make my heart sing! Peacock for my bedroom and bathroom, and I’m going to mix in fine grained silver mica so it shimmers! I’ve made two art pieces for the basement and made bright orange curtains with Ikea graphic prints and I’m painting the room candy apple green! My living room kitchen area has been reorganized and the walls are going to be butternut squash. I think I’m going to graffiti the walls on the stairs with words like Love, Dream, Joy or I’ll scribble inspiring phrases or whatever else I feel like painting!

In my Anasara yoga class this morning my teacher said the New Year is coming and she suggested we pick a word to hang onto for the year, and mine is RELEASE!

Just the idea of releasing makes me feel so free. The more I think about it the more liberated I feel. Not only is cleaning out all the extraneous stuff in my life symbolic of releasing all the stuff I don’t need or want, but it’s freeing me to be more creative.

The more I think about releasing the things that frustrate me the more it frees me — wanting to weigh 125 pounds, wanting to write a best-selling book, smoking (I released it last week), drinking beer (I released it last week), having specific financial goals, making specific goals in general and then striving constantly to achieve them, having expectations, stories about my past, judgments about what other people are doing and should be doing, having specific ideas about what will make me happy and what will make me unhappy — the idea of making it my spiritual practice to just release these things into the wind, and letting God handle it, is exhilarating and liberating.

I’m releasing.

This is real beauty. You have been blessed. What you see in the mirror is real. Other people will notice you. Beauty is an asset that will provide you with opportunities. Be grateful for it, but realize that it’s not your only asset.

You were also blessed with brains, intelligence, a sense of humor, creativity, a thirst for knowledge, kindness, love, compassion and many other unique gifts. These assets will provide you with more opportunities as you pursue your ambitions and passions. 

Confidence is sexy. Brilliance is sexy. Intelligence is sexy. A sense of humor is sexy. Knowing who you are is sexy. Being comfortable in your own skin is sexy. 

—excerpted from Ainsley, Wonder Years by Tracee Sioux

Evidently, I am the only girl advocate on the Internet who thinks the Self Esteem Act, which is supposedly going to make its way to Congress is a stupid waste of time. The Self Esteem Act is a “truth in advertising act,” a bill attempting to force advertisers to put a tiny little sentence admitting they use Photoshop on photographs in advertising — which is also somehow going to “save girls’ self esteem.” Google it. Everyone is simply head-over-heals crazy in love with this idea. It’s supposedly going to make such an impact on how girls feel about themselves and prevent eating disorders and solve all these body issues that the media causes with their evil ways of making women look too thin and too pretty (and girls are too stupid to be aware of Photoshop you know).

Personally, I think it’s going to cost a great deal of effort and have no impact at all. Let me explain why.

• The government is not responsible for the self esteem of anyone. Period.
• Media, marketing, advertisers and corporations are not responsible for the self esteem of anyone either. Period.
• You and only you are responsible for your own personal self esteem. Your mother is not responsible. Your husband is not responsible. Your boyfriend is not responsible. Your best friend is not responsible. Body Image is the relationship you have with your body and your image in the mirror. Self esteem is the relationship you have with who you are. It is your responsibility alone. If it brings you pain, then you bring your own pain. If it brings you joy, then you bring your own joy. Deal with it, either way.
• Maybe you’ve noticed, but no one in Congress can agree on a single thing. What in the world makes you think they are all going to huddle up and say, “Oh the girls. Yeah, we won’t force corporations to give women equal pay, but let’s force these same corporations to put a tiny disclaimer on their advertising copping to using Photoshop. Why didn’t we think of that Ladies?”
• There are bigger fish to fry in this country right now. In other words, I personally, and a lot of unemployed Americans might agree with me here, believe there are a lot more important issues that Congress should focus on — unemployment and job creation, tax equality, a world economy on the brink of collapse, hundreds of thousands of mortgages that are underwater or in foreclosure, people drowning in debt. You know, things a tad more significant than whether you’re looking in the mirror and saying, “I hate my thighs,” no matter how many times I’ve advised you to stop doing that.
• As Tina Fey says in her brilliant book, Bossy Pants, no one under 80 doesn’t know that advertising is Photoshopped. In fact, tweens and teenagers are better at using Photoshop than Photoshop artists employed by magazines. Why do people presume that kids are idiots who don’t understand computers? They come out of the womb Internet Savy. It is WE who find this shit shocking and have to wrap our brains around it, not them.

There are actually things that DO work that take a lot less effort than trying to get Congress to pass a lame bill that’s never going to make a dent in anyone’s self esteem.

• MOM — Mothers have, and will always have the biggest influence on their daughters. Don’t believe me — try to get your mother’s voice out of your head. I’m 38 and have been unable to accomplish this. If you’re 60 or 80 you have been unable to accomplish this. So, make good use of it. Tell your daughter she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s got a great body.
• If you’re a mother, make peace with your own body and get a self esteem. Nothing, but nothing is going to replace this. Not a bill. Not a law. Nothing. Grow a Self Esteem.
• Make it against the rules to talk badly about your own body. My kid gets in trouble if she calls her brother a name. Likewise, she gets in trouble if she calls herself a name. We don’t call names here. Period. We don’t “feed” negative body talk with a bunch of B.S. sympathy either, “oh poor baby why do you feel badly about yourself?” If it’s something we can fix, we fix it. If it’s not, we tell her it’s perfect the way it is, and that it’s simply not okay to bash yourself. Period.
• Tina Fey, again in Bossy Pants, recommends we embrace Photoshop because it’s here to stay and it’s better than plastic surgery and we should simply add a credit like a photo credit to the work. Photographed by, Tracee Sioux. Photoshopped by, Tracee Sioux. This is free and doesn’t involve Congress and serves exactly the same purpose as the Self Esteem Act.
• Dove’s viral videos, Campaign for Real Beauty were genius. They were targeted to women. They should target some to girls. Publish them where tweens and teens hang out on the Internet.
• If all the non-profit organizations that are gaga for this Self Esteem Act pooled their resources they could make Public Service Announcements informing girls about Photoshop and educate them about self esteem. Run them during iCarly and Gossip Girl, thus reaching their actual target audience. This would actually be effective  instead of wasting their time and energy on something futile.
• Church youth groups, Girl Scouts, Campfire Girls, 4H, and other organizations need to address the issue of healthy body image and will do a better job of it than a tiny sentence on some ads that kids will never read.
• School Boards should make sure healthy body image and media education is in the health class curriculum. Parents and girl advocate groups should make sure School Boards do this. Cause that’s how the system works.
• Parents or grandparents can write their daughters a book or just tell them about beauty and sexiness and Photoshop and what it is and isn’t. Novel concept, I know.

It’s that time of year again. Republicans have introduced a bill that will ban federal funding for abortion procedures and Democrats have gotten all up-in-arms because this will put funding for birth control at risk because they have threatened to cut off all funding to Planned Parenthood, a non-profit organization which supplies millions of women and girls with vital and necessary birth control.

Every year this happens: if there is a sitting Democratic President and a majority Republican Congress, Congress passes the bill and the President vetoes it. If there is a sitting Republican President and a majority Democratic Congress, Congress passes the bill and the President vetoes it. If both the President and Congress are Republican, Planned Parenthood relies on private funding until Democrats come back into power and unwittingly, Republican representatives increase the abortion rate by decreasing access to birth control and driving up the rate of unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. If both the President and Congress are Democrat, Planned Parenthood gets its funding, Right-to-Lifers are up-in-arms protesting louder than ever and tend to take to the Supreme Court.

Year after year after year after year. Same story. Year after year after year after year.

And every year, it’s the same tone of outrage and shock on both sides.

I have a proposal that would SOLVE the problem once and for all.

Planned Parenthood should become two separate non-profit family planning organizations.

• One should supply birth control family planning services as it has done since its conception in 1966.
• One should focus on the termination of pregnancy and be completely privately funded.