Respect Pays off for Kevin

March 16th, 2010 | LOVE & Other High Risks

Remember Kevin? He was our teenage friend who wanted to know why women didn’t like being called curvy. I suggested, in a nutshell, that maybe the girl wanted her self to be acknowledged before Kevin got all into her curvy bod. Click HERE if you don’t remember.

Kevin took my advice and it worked out for him. He and the girl have been on a couple of dates. With their permission, here’s how the juicy goodness of respectful dating went down:

Dear E,

This is Kevin. We met a few weeks ago. I genuinely meant to compliment you, but in so doing used a poor choice of words that deeply offended you. I am so sorry for any hurt I may have caused you. You are a really intelligent girl and I have great respect for you. You are also very beautiful. While I meant to compliment you, it was inappropriate for me to comment on your physical appearance after meeting you for the first time.

I hope you choose to accept my apology, but if not, I sincerely wish you the best in life and I am still grateful for having met you.

Kevin

Hi Kevin. Gosh, I have such mixed emotions on this. You seemed like such a sweet guy at first and so cute! That’s why I was so disappointed when you started commenting on my body and taking the conversation into the gutter. I had some weight issues when I was younger, so maybe I’m overly sensitive of any comments that hint at being over-weight. Also, because I’m very curvy, I’ve too often had to deal with boys who look at me primarily in a sexual/physical way. Therefore your comments, as well intentioned as they may have been, were really insulting. It also didn’t help that you kept staring at my chest. That is something I’m very self-conscious about.

I do think it would be unfair for me to write you off as a jerk, based on a few, unfortunate word choices. So yes, I’m willing to forgive and forget and might even meet you for coffee, like we had talked about, but the terms are that you have to pay and I get to order something really extravagant like a large, caramel macchiato…..just joking

P.S. Regarding the slap across the face….well, I’m an old fashioned girl and I felt it was the most appropriate response for a guy who was being disrespectful to me. I will say that you took the slap like a gentleman by turning the other cheek and then coming back to make a sincere apology. Most boys would be more consumed with their own pride and resentful of the girl who slapped them.

Kevin also expounded on what he learned from this experience in an email to me:

Hi Tracee! I emailed E. and absolutely, she’s comfortable with you publishing the email exchange we had.

I really do feel like I’ve grown up a lot from this whole experience. Btw, I had a heart to heart chat with my Dad about the incident (still too embarrassed to tell my mom, who would probably scold me, lol). He was actually very understanding and gave me some great advice. He also told me not to feel too bad about getting slapped by a girl, as its par for the course for many boys in their journey to manhood. What’s more important is how you handle it and what you learn from it. He then proceeded to share a story of his own, that was also somewhat amusing.

During college, my father was on the receiving end of a breakup with his girlfriend. She was very thoughtful in explaining why they should go their separate ways. His reaction on the other hand, was one of pleasure and relief, almost thanking her for breaking up with him. Insulted by his lack of disappointment, she gave him a stinging slap on the cheek and walked off. He stood their alone, rubbing his cheek, bewildered….after all, he was the one that got dumped. Then he realized that he had showed her no sensitivity whatsoever. The lesson he learned was that being sensitive and compassionate with women is a big part of being a gentleman. I’m glad to have learned that lesson at his expense! lol

–kevin

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11 comments ↓

#1 Veronica on 03.19.10 at 4:31 pm

As a woman with a full hourglass figure (I look a bit like Nigella Lawson) I’m proud of my curves, and if I guy told me I had a “really nice hourglass figure” I would actually take it as a compliment, though it would also strike me as a bit too forward for someone I just met. But, that’s me at 40, not 17, where I was hypersensitive about my looks, and about teenage guys looking at me in a sexual way…so I would say that this young woman’s reaction was fairly typical, though she added a nice, dramatic, retro flair with the slap across the face….I wonder if she threw in a “how dare you!” for good measure, lol.

In any case, what a wonderful story! I love happy endings They both sound like outstanding young people. I hope they have a healthy and happy relationship, in whatever form it takes.

#2 Tracee Sioux on 03.19.10 at 5:20 pm

I would have made a mental note to wear that outfit again then, I might even have let him get to 1st base for the compliment. Now, I would run home and brag to my husband, “Someone hit on me!!! Mama’s still got it going on!”

I hope they have a good time too!

#3 Veronica on 03.19.10 at 5:48 pm

I’m confused. What outfit? You mean the outfit the girl was wearing when they first met?

#4 Veronica on 03.19.10 at 6:19 pm

Disregard previous comment. I know what you’re saying. If you had received the comment about having an hourglass figure that you would make a note to wear the outfit you had on again. My “killer” outfit is a form-fitting sleeveless turtleneck with a black skirt and heels. If poor Kevin is reading this his head is probably spinning, lol. The same comment that got him slapped by a young lady, could lead to further romance if it was received by an older woman. He must think women are way too complicated, lol.

#5 kevin on 03.20.10 at 8:50 pm

Tracee – It’s Kevin. Thanks for updating my story! Hopefully it will help other teenage guys out there.

Veronica – Yep, you’re right! Now I really am confused, lol. What is considered by one woman to be an insult can be a compliment to another, and might even get me to “first base” as Tracee said. Maybe I’ll try the “hourglass figure” comment again, in another 20 years or so, and compare the results to the first time I tried it

#6 Tracee Sioux on 03.22.10 at 10:27 am

By which time you’ll be married and you can’t go wrong with, “Baby I love your hourglass figure,” said to your wife. Just maybe not on a first date. Also, maybe not while staring at her boobs.

#7 Tracee on 03.22.10 at 10:50 am

Also, keep in mind Kevin. I was born in the 1970s and respect for women was a revolutionary and new idea. I dated in the 1990s when women were rebelling against virginity.

This is 2010. Girls deserve respect and they know it.

#8 kevin on 03.22.10 at 1:33 pm

Thanks Tracee. My Mom really likes that I’m dating a girl with self-respect and old fashioned values. She said I was lucky she gave me a second chance.

#9 Veronica on 03.22.10 at 7:50 pm

Tracee, thanks for clarifying. Yes, it’s a different era now and things have changed for the better for young women. Kevin, I agree with your mom, your girlfriend sounds like a lovely young lady. Just continue to be a gentleman and you should be fine. Most importantly, always maintain “eye contact”, LOL. As a DD gal, I’ve had more than a few men talk to my chest and it’s a really unpleasant experience.

#10 Slapstick Romance — The Girl Revolution on 06.17.10 at 5:49 pm