I still, after 10.5 years of mothering, can’t figure out which kind of mother I want to brand myself. I’m referring to arguments for, or against, attachment parenting, natural parenting, or Tiger Mothering. But, since everyone appears determined to follow someone’s parenting philosophy, I’m going to brand one myself, in honor of Mother’s Day 2012.

I’m going to call my brand The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™, or simply Exceptional Mothering™, for short, TGREM™. To label yourself an Exceptional Mother™, or TGREM™, here are the 10 strict rules to which you must adhere, debate, convert and evangelize:

• Love Your Kids.
• Teach What You Know.
• Make Intuitive Parenting Decisions.
• Banish Guilt.
• Be an Authentic Woman/Person.
• Have Fun.
• Leave the Other Mothers Alone, (especially the ones who make different choices).
• Grow Good Humans.
• Apologize When Necessary.
• Do Better Every Day.

If you follow these 10 simple rules of TGREM™ you are guaranteed happy children, a peaceful mothering experience, and a loving bond with secure humans who will succeed in adulthood. When you follow the Exceptional Mothering™ parenting philosophy, you will make people who will grow up to have fulfilling careers and promising love lives. Or promising careers and fulfilling love lives, whatever. And when they are teenagers they’ll always speak respectfully. And they will listen to your advice about sex and using a condom or waiting until marriage. And they’ll never do drugs or smoke cigarrettes. Or be mean girls or bullies. Or feel unloved. And they will never, ever turn on you and scream “I HATE YOU!” when you tell them they can’t go somewhere or when you make them clean the bathroom. And they won’t have eating disorders: neither starving, barfing, or binging. Or marry people who are mean to them. Or date boys who don’t call them back. And they’ll never get divorced.

OK. You got me. I can’t guarantee any of that. But, then neither can any other parenting method. At least The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™ philosophy’s strict rules cut a mother a break.

By leaving a comment, Liking or Sharing this post on Facebook, or retweeting it, you too are committing to being an Exceptional Mother™ and you agree to follow the 10 simple rules of TGREM™. Happy Mother’s Day all you Exceptional Mothers™! Don’t forget to convert your friends!

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Yo Tiger Mother.

This blind allegiance to all authority that Chinese Mothers teach their children is the reason China has fallen to a communist dictatorship. It’s the reason Chinese Mothers, who still live in China (unlike your lucky self and your lucky daughters), don’t experience the most basic of freedoms; deciding for themselves how many children to have, deciding for themselves what kinds of jobs they would like to have. You know, simple stuff that third-generation Chinese Americans might take for granted, the right to make choices.

Americans don’t teach our children blind obedience to authority for an exceptional and logical reason. We enjoy freedom. The freedom that Chinese American immigrants enjoy, didn’t come cheap. It was born of the American tradition of challenging authority. It was born of the American tradition of questioning our own governments. Scientific advancement that Americans have made, is born out of questioning what the teacher had to say about how the world works. Racism ends because children challenge their parents’ way of thinking.

We are who we are, experiencing all of our delicious freedoms, not in-spite of teaching our children to stand up to authority, but because of it.

You’re welcome.

My response to The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

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My youngest child turned five yesterday! Five! 5! FIVE!

What a milestone for this Mama! (For him too, but come on! This is huge for ME!)

Child development books say that a person is who they are by the time they are five. They have a psyche, they’ve either achieved a sense of safety, love and well-being – or they haven’t.

He has. Hallelujah he has. We’ve done our jobs well. We’ve put in the time, energy and love. I’ve read the bedtime stories and taught the letters, numbers, colors and shapes. We’ve put in the work towards discipline and limits, all that hard parenting stuff. He’s a good, solid, stable, happy, well-developed person.

For me, as a woman and a mother, this day is significant.

It marks the end of a spiritual agreement I entered into with myself, my Mormon heritage, my unknowing children, and my desire for meaningful work when I became a mother.

The agreement was: I will have children and work from home, no matter what the sacrifices may be, giving most of my time, attention and focus to them, until the youngest one is five.

The agreement has been fulfilled. He’s 5! He’s five! He’s FIVE!

I’ve walked the tight-rope, sacrificed a great deal, fought the internal work v. mothering war, raged against the unfairness of my own agreement and it. was. so. hard. The result: two well-adjusted happy children with solid foundations that will last them a lifetime.

I did it! He’s five!!!

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Yesterday I read my horoscope for 2011 and it said, among other wonderful and exciting things, that I would make a serious change in my working environment on Jan 4.

Sure enough, I woke up this morning and decided that I was done working at home with a four-year-old. It’s . . . under-stimulating, isolating, frustrating and just plain not working for me anymore. I’m glad I did it. But, I don’t want to do it anymore.

I’ve been feeling like this for a while now and coming up with some brainy ideas like putting Zack, my 4.5 year old, in childcare for longer and trying out the new co-working thing at Cohere.

This morning I couldn’t think of one single reason not to try it out TODAY!

I’ve got a lot on my plate with the release of TGR Body, several corporate projects to tie up, and a book I’m trying to do final edits on, not to mention keeping The Girl Revolution updated and growing.

“Mom, come wipe my bum,” is non-conducive to feeling unstressed, productive, centered and focused.

All my life I’ve been very attached to the idea of “working from home.” Since the birth of my first child I’ve been walking the fine line between meaningful work and meaningful motherhood very, very carefully.

It’s hormonal, in my opinion. How many times have you heard the words, “I never thought I’d want to quit my job, but then I had a baby and it kills me to leave everything and go back to work?”

Yeah. Then there’s the equally true and just as emotionally-charged, “Being a stay-at-home mom/work-at-home mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. I miss my career, I miss people, I miss being validated with a paycheck.”

Yeah. The war rages on – inside of us.

Never under-estimate the power of estrogen.

I think his hormones were tied to mine in an inherent psychic, spiritual and emotional way that was stronger than any of my other desires or ambitions. As it was with my daughter. As it is with children and mothers in general, some more than others. But, as he turned four, I could feel his pull on my hormones lessen. Give a little here and there. My need, my desire to be with him most of the time got weaker. His “pull” on my mind, body and soul weakened, became more flexible.

As our hormonal connection got weaker and weaker, I got more ideas . . . maybe my friend Jenny is right, that co-working is perfect for me. Maybe Zack should be in a school setting. Maybe I can take on this project or that one. Maybe I need to – no, want to –  spend more time working and less time mothering. Maybe I really, honestly, truly don’t care what other people think about whether I work, or don’t work, or where I do it from, or where my children spend their time. This is MY life. Our life. We should do what we want. What feels best for us.

The more I thought about these ideas the more I fell in love with them.

So, today, I just did it. And it feels . . . liberating, exciting, calming, relaxing and right.

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This is Ainsley and her PawPaw showing off their new cell phones. He got the new iPhone 4 and she got a cool purple slider phone.

Yes, we got our nine-year-old daughter a cell phone.

My mother-in-law reminded me that I used to say things like, “I would never give a child a ______ ” on the assumption that cell phones were some potential evil form which might “spoil a child.” As if withholding joys, pleasures, and technology somehow makes a better human.

When you’re a new parent, you’re sometimes stupid. Coming from your experience in a way that assumes you know all there is to know about parenting and the future when they are born.

Then you grow.

You start to realize how convenient it would be to text your kid at the neighbors house, “come home, time for dinner” instead of calling the neighbor or going over. You start to realize how much easier it would be to keep track of where they are. You also realize it would be better for them to keep in touch with their grandparents, cousins, and friends without them touching your own new iPhone.

The rules are simple: keep it with you, don’t text me when you’re in the next room all day long, and we (parents) will look at your phone at any time, so don’t do or say anything you wouldn’t want your parents to know about.

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