She Liked It

The other day a group of junior high boys were laughing about having pantsed a girl.

One of them had pulled her pants down and it was extra-hilarious that she was wearing a thong.

I told them that was actually the criminal offense of sexual assault. I told them if I were the principal, I would have them prosecuted in criminal court for doing that.

But, she liked it! They told me.

No she didn’t, I told them. Girls don’t like it when boys rip their clothes off without their consent.

Yes, she liked it! They insisted.

I told them if I were principal I’d have them sent to detention for saying something so stupid.

Gee, I wonder where boys might get the idea that girls might like it?

Could it be the same places, stories, where girls get the idea that it’s hot for boys to harm them, that it’s a natural turn-on for boys to want to destroy them, silence them, isolate them, give up their futures?

Places like Twilight, Beauty and the Beast, Ariel?

It’s necessary to say: It’s not sane to love someone who treats you poorly, hurts you or threatens to hurt you or humiliates you in public. It’s not hot to mix sex and violence. Violence against yourself or against a girl you like is not a turn on. It is not sane to love your abuser. It is not sane to abuse someone you love.

It’s fundamental.

But, I think it’s come to this, parents need to repeat these messages to both boys and girls.

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Fight About “Becky”

When I asked a teenager what started a recent vicious girl-fight at the high school, she said one girl called another girl “Becky.”

She didn’t want to tell me why it was bad to be called Becky.

So I Googled it and up came these lovely lyrics by Plie.

My first thought was this: What did this dickhead do to deserve Becky?

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Bored with Being Incensed

noahcyrus1

Noah Cyrus, Miley’s nine-year-old sister was photographed on a stripper pole with her friends at a night club before the Teen Choice Awards. Read that story on Dlisted.

thelolitas

Also in the Dlisted story is a new teen pop group titled The Lolitas. You know, like the elementary-aged little girl who “made” Humbert Humbert rape and molest her in the child pornography “classic” Lolita.

smore

Then we have this innocent photo of Cheeky Sweetie’s daughter wiping marshmallow off her mouth after eating a s’more. Bing labled the photo something heinous in its algorithm and now the photo is popping up as an option for “penile penetration’ and “child nudity.”

I’m tired of being shocked and incensed that America’s children are being treated in this way. Does anyone have any other ideas? I’m leaning toward social annihilation and threat of physical harm.

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Wash My Brain Out With Soap

see-no-evil

My husband and I declared date night and thought it would be an extra-special treat to spring for dinner and a movie. We couldn’t even remember the last time we went to a movie together.

We didn’t have many choices, so I caved to Watchmen. Supposed to be about super-heroes he said. There were girl/women super-heroes so I was interested.

Guess what happens to the girl super-heroes? Violently raped and beaten by one of the a-hole male super-heroes. Another female super-hero was violently raped and beaten and then murdered by pornographers, but “she deserved it because of her whorish-lifestyle.” At least I think that’s what happened, it was cryptic and I had my eyes closed and my ears plugged to avoid ingesting more violent rape of women on-screen.

In fact, most the super-heroes were really violent, angry, mean, cruel, heartless murderer-slash-rapists who dressed up in costume to commit their crimes and yet kept talking about how they were “saving the world.” Huh?

About half-way through the movie one of the super-heroes shoots a Vietnamese woman he impregnated. She asks him to acknowledge his coming child and refuses to disappear so he shoots her in cold blood. Kills his own unborn child and its mother. He’s remorseless.

“This movie should be called ‘Plotless Gratuitous Violence,’” I muttered.

“Want to sneak out and go see Madea?” my husband suggested.

“Yeah, that will be funny and light. It’s PG-13. Tyler Perry’s funny,” I say.

I sit through another preview – ears plugged eyes slammed shut - so horrifically violent that even my husband closes his eyes so as not to take in a graphically violent depiction of Satan and evil spirits torturing and killing an entire family.

Aside from the pot-smoking uncle and the wanton criminal behavior of Madea it’s almost appropriate for 13-year-olds, you know, if they are 25-year-olds.

Then there I am – plugging my ears and smashing my eyelids together – trying to avoid ingesting yet another very graphic, long violent rape and beating of a woman. Tyler Perry takes 13-year-olds (and the rest of us) through an examination of prostitution, how a smart college girl might end up on the streets, how she might be raped and beaten into submission by a pimp (he shows us how in graphic and horrific, bloody detail). How she’ll need a Pretty Woman moment to save her.

Hysterically funny, really.

There was a 9 or 10-year-old girl, with her family, sitting right in front of us and no one bothered telling her to close her eyes and plug her ears.

I spent nearly the whole “romantic evening” with my eyes closed, shoulders hunched up, and fingernails digging into my ears to avoid taking in and internalizing the atrocities in these movies. Of course, the most violent and horrific of these atrocities were committed against girls and women. But, you know, sometimes they “deserved it” because they were “just whores.”

What the Bleep is going on in the distorted, jumbled, sick and violent minds of film-makers?

How are people watching this kind of graphic violence against women (or humans in general) as entertainment?

How desensitized have we become as human beings?

Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.

I guess that rules out the movies entirely.

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Belle – Battered Codependent

By now no one will be surprised when I say that Im not a huge fan of Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Some might see Belle as a redeeming character because she is smart and loves to read. She is, after all, bright enough to tell Gaston, the quintessential good-looking football player type, where to go. Good for Belle, even though all the other village girls love Gaston, she thinks hes a moron and is looking for something different.

When her mad scientist father gets held as a hostage by the mean ugly beast, Belle, the loyal daughter, finds him. Selflessly, she trades her own freedom so that her father can go to the invention festival. What?!?

Heres the first lesson we need to tell our daughters, Your dad and I will never, ever trade you for anything. If you are ever held by a beast or anyone else we WILL bring the police and find you or die trying. If you are ever kidnapped or someone tries to take you then you should do anything you can to get away. Scream, bite, scratch, kick and run as fast as you can.

The rest of the story is basically how Belle is such a good and sweet young woman that she transforms the compassionless, angry, self-absorbed, violent, ugly and mean beast into the Prince he always was inside.

Basically, the story is just early training for future battered women everywhere. This is Stockholm Syndrome. Women love to love their abuser and fantasize that eventually shell love him enough that hell start treating her with love and respect. Every woman who gets abused desperately wants to believe that her compassionless, angry, mean, self-absorbed jerk of a husband or boyfriend has a kind prince locked inside and if she is just a good and sweet and forgiving enough wife or girlfriend then she can change him into a sweet guy.

What kind of codependent crap are we feeding our daughters at bedtime? Were setting them up to be victims with this story. Is it any surprise that 30% of women put up with abuse at some point in their lives? Come on!

I recommend telling our daughters the truth.

If you marry a mean and selfish or violent beast of a man you will never, ever change him into a nice guy. People are who they are. No one has the power to change anyone else. Dont waste your life trying.

The best thing to do is to marry a guy who is already good and sweet and kind and generous. Find someone who treats you with respect from the beginning and skip all the fairytale drama.

Here’s the Challenge: add, if not completely replace some of these princess horror stories with stories that have good messages like The Practical Princess, and other liberating fairy tales. And give your daughters a new perspective on the old messages found in Disney’s version.

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